For the next day or so, America is enjoying a wicked cold snap the likes of which hasn’t been seen in decades. Or ever. Or since 1996. It’s hard to tell, the news is a little iffy on the subject. Point is, it’s very cold with windchill down to -70 in places like Froze-to-Death, Minnesota. How cold is -70 degrees? Cold enough to kill you in about 5 minutes if you choose to just stand there naked.
So, to start, we recommend you not go stand around naked in Minnesota. In fact, even in nice weather, at best you’re just going to attract horny Minnesotans. Instead, here’s a list of things you can enjoy in the frosty, insanely low temperatures.
The freezing point of beer is dependent on things like alcohol and sugar content, but generally speaking you’re going to freeze a beer at around 27 to 25 degrees (or around -2.5 to -3.5 Celsius). That means if you’re anywhere throughout the Midwest you can just toss some beers on the porch and have beer Slurpees in under a half hour, doesn’t even matter what kind of beer you have.
If you’re not a beer drinker, you can do this with pop, too. Put a couple of two liter bottles outside and just let them sit for a spell. Check on them after a short while and, when it’s still liquid in the bottle, unscrew the top and watch as the ice forms double quick and fills the bottle from top to bottom. It’s actually more snow than ice, so it’s basically a Slurpee but for real, it’s much cooler with beer.
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Depending on just how cold it is, this has the potential to be the most amazing thing you’ve ever seen. At around -40 degrees if you were to, say, pee out your window, your lawn would likely get spattered with chunks of yellow snow. At temperatures that cold, the urine will actually freeze before it hits the ground. The downside to this is pulling your junk out in -40 degree weather, because frostbite will take you in 5 minutes or less, depending on the wind. So don’t take this as encouragement or an endorsement of peeing in subzero temperatures, just as an interesting tidbit of information.
If you fear genital destruction, try boiling a pot of water and hucking that out the window instead. Not only will you make a super fun steam cloud, you’ve also created your own snow. The same effect can be achieved with a squirt gun, if you saw that video we posted last week of a super soaker filled with boiling water.
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Why hot water instead of cold? Glad you asked, otherwise I would have Googled it for nothing. While cold water technically freezes just as fast as hot water, hot water is going to work better because you have it so close to steam already and the rate of heat transfer is proportional to the temperature difference. That means hot water will lose heat faster than cold water to get it down to the same temperature. Plus, hot water is closer to steam already so when you toss it in the air, it separates into smaller droplets which means more surface area to freeze. The cold water will just plop to the ground but the hot becomes icy snow.
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This only sounds lame if you tell all your friends about it. Just between you and me, blowing bubbles in freezing temperatures is kind of cool. You’re going to want to do it out of the wind, because wind is the natural enemy of the bubble. But if its ultra cold out, the bubbles will freeze solid and you’ll make a wonderland of ice spheres. If this still sounds lame to you, I invite you to do this with a girl handy. I can’t explain why, but chicks find this fascinating and you’ll look like some kind of winter wizard. Maybe you do this and she falls in love with you. Maybe I just unlocked the secret to happiness for you. Maybe you owe me one.
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This is another one more impressive to kids but, if you’re in Colorado and enjoy some legally purchased and completely non-felonious marijuana this may also blow your mind. Blow up a regular, old party balloon and take that bad boy outside. Tie it to something so it doesn’t blow away and watch as it shrivels up like grandma, only way faster. That was fun and all, but once it seems deflated, take it back in the house and the crazy thing will reinflate. Holy crap! Science!
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Feel like having some winter sport fun without paying for winter sport equipment? You can make your own toboggan with a towel and some water. Just grab an ordinary bath towel and soak it completely in water. Once it’s soaked, lay it out flat on the ground. Lay two or three paint cans on one end and roll the towel up over them, just enough to cover the cans. That makes the curl at the front of any sled or toboggan you’re probably familiar with. Now, just wait for it to freeze.
Once frozen, remove the paint cans and maybe give the whole thing another splash of water to firm up the ice you cracked removing the cans. Once it freezes again, you’re good to go. The hard as wood and ice-covered towel is just one layer of slippery you’re putting down on the slippery snow, ensuring this toboggan is perfect until you smash into a few trees.