If you ever tried to imagine what happens in the aisles of a Walmart in Florida, this story is probably confirming your darkest fears. Brooksville, Florida area teenager Sean Johnson was arrested after employees at Walmart witnessed him removing a toy horse from the shelf, taking it to one of the store’s beds for sale in the housewares department where he used it to masturbate. That’s crazy! He took it to a bed? He really wasn’t horsing around!
Mr. Ed is shaking his head.
Members of the store’s “Loss Prevention Team” spotted Johnson, no pun needed, acting suspiciously inside the store prompting them to call the real police. – I’m going to go ahead and call this a “loss” all around. According to a police report on the incident the 19 year old was looking for a cheap date when he;
“Selected a brown, tan, and red stuffed horse from the clearance shelf in the garden department…. proceeded to pull out his genitals and hump the stuffed horse utilizing short fast movements.”
Johnson completed his horse race if you know what I mean. He then put the defiled toy back on the shelf, taking off with a gallop before store security could apprehend him for his fluffy equestrian encounter. Even Bronies want this guy to take it down a notch.
You’re only supposed to seem like you want to have sex with a toy horse, bro.
Johnson is currently out on $1500 bond. In what I imagine to have sounded like his best Sling Blade voice, hesaid to police when they arrested him; “I did unmentionables to a stuffed animal.”
Unfortunately it seems that the horse is going to have to be put down; Walmart deemed that the stuffed animal was “contaminated” and no longer suitable for sale.
Follow Phil Haney on Twitter @PhilHaney