Florida Man, Timothy Deegan is a successful tax accountant in Gainesville where he owns Deegan Professional Tax Service and lives in a big house complete with the ultimate signs of success: little stone lions and a fountain in the front yard. He was also just charged with three counts of human trafficking for holding three women as sex slaves, forcing them into prostitution and videotaping himself sexually assaulting one of them. When he was arrested police found booby-traps, running surveillance cameras, syringes and doors with the knobs missing in his home all used in an effort to trap the women.
The accountant from hell met these women on an escort service website but quickly started pimping them out to other johns for sex while collecting their money, providing transportation and keeping them coked up. When they weren’t forced into sex, Deegan kept them locked up in his house, threatening them with weapons. Neighbors were fearful of Deegan and even heard screams coming from his house at odd hours and one neighbor even saw a strange car following his daughter, but failed to report anything to police. Deegan is currently being held on $300,000 bond- and is trying to figure out a sneaky way to make that a tax write off for his “buissness.”
Everyone in this neighborhood who yelled at the crazy cat hoarder lady and told her she should have a nice lawn “just like the accountant,” totally owes her an apology.
Wait… are those solar panels?! This guy was holding three women captive in his home as sex slave prostitutes and he installed solar panels on his roof? What is his motto? “Think globally, pillage locally?” This guy might be the first person to list his interests as environmentalism and human trafficking. “Hey I might trap women in my basement and force them into sexual servitude, but have you heard about the long term effects of global warming? I’m not a monster!”
You know where else solar panels are installed? The White House. Coincidence? #ThanksObama
Is this sort of like those people who drive a Prius fitted with leather seats? Although he’s smart; this might really raise the resale value of his home when he puts it on the market, as it looks like he is going to have state sponsored accommodations for quite a while. I’m sure the real-estate agent will give a great tour. “Right here we have a lovely sex slave dungeon, a weapons room, booby-traps and if you are looking to decrease your carbon footprint this four bedroom colonial comes outfitted with an array of state of the art, tax deductible solar panels.”
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