Florida Man Goes On Rampage With Sword, Hack Saw, and Wind Chimes!

A man in Winter Garden, Florida is in jail after going on a rampage, attacking his girlfriend and neighbors with a sword, a propane tank, a hack saw and wind chimes. No word yet on if “Obama is going to want to take away our wind chimes.” Charged with attempted murder, 29 year-old Jeremy Bryant was either on bath salts or building a birdhouse.

What does his tattoo say? “Windchimes never suffer defeat?”

Having bit and licked her face, Bryant began wielding this strange assortment of weapons which he used to injure his girlfriend and threaten the neighbor whose home she ran to for safety.  Here’s where things get weird. According to the Orlando Sentinel:  

He broke into the neighbor’s house, disarmed a sword-wielding resident, threatened to kill the woman, kicked over a mailbox and threw a propane tank into the house, a report alleged.He threatened to choke the woman using cables from a wind chime. Then he squeezed the woman’s until she couldn’t breathe. He also put a hack saw to her throat.

Well at least there was another swordsman there to fight back. He eventually kidnapped his girlfriend in his pickup truck until he stopped at a stoplight and she was able to jump out and attract the attention of a police officer. Glad to see that he still obeyed traffic laws in the middle of a Sword and Wind Chime rampage.

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Super chill potential murder weapon.

Maybe he was just training to be the worst super hero ever? Or maybe he was training to be the BEST fighter ever. How the hell do you attack someone with wind chimes or a propane tank? Let’s break down the fighting techniques for each of these weapons.

#1 Sword

Sword fighting is one of the most ancient forms of battle. In order to disarm your opponent, it is best to remove the arms of your opponent.

#2 Hack Saw

The best  fighting techneque with a hack saw is not with an actual hack saw, but by tag teaming with WWE Superstar “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan!

#3 Propane Tank

Propane tanks normally take care of themselves, or you can shoot them like these fella’s.

#4 Wind Chimes

Play wind chimes to call forth your ninja warriors and have them do battle. I assume that’s how you murder someone with windchimes.

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