Virgin American Flight Forced To Land Because of Frenzied Masturbating Passenger

A Virgin America flight from Boston to Los Angeles was forced to make an emergency landing in Omaha because a passenger freaked out on drugs wouldn’t stop attempting to open an exit door. Also, he was viciously masturbating. Maybe danger is his fetish?  At least the folks over at are going to have a pretty raunchy gallery. I’ll take the people who put their feet in my face during the flight. I don’t want to see what this guy is going to put on my seat!

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Masturbating on an airplane? No wonder he took Virgin airlines. ZING.

The mid-flight stroking terrorist Doug Adams of Woodside, California, began acting erratically. Passengers say he was wearing a medical bracelet, and after returning from the bathroom, began arguing with the woman sitting next to him.

An increasingly frenzied Adams began touching himself while muttering “I’m not a violent person,” at which point flight attendants called for a doctor who took his blood pressure, which was very high. Since he wouldn’t stop plucking his little airline peanut in front of the other passengers, the crew and two off-duty Boston police officers restrained him. The officers took him to the back of the airplane to sit by himself, and then he began attempting to open the plane’s door. Maybe he just wanted some fresh air; after all, his blood pressure was high from all the drugs and intense masturbation.

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Oh, sure, why does he get a priority exit?!

It looks like I’m going to have to add a fourth rule to my Three Rules Of Behavior On Board An Airplane:

  1. Sit Down.
  2. Buckle Your Seat Belt
  3. Shut The Fuck Up.
  4. **Don’t Masturbate

One passenger said the man “seemed very upset by something, very agitated for some reason.” – Well now he probably has blue balls, since you stopped him from masturbating!

What’s the craziest thing you have ever witnessed on an airplane?  

Follow Phil Haney on Twitter @PhilHaney