7 First World Problems Compared To Third World Atrocities

#FirstWorldProblems, are a fun, “cute” way for people on the Internet to list all the ways that America kicks ass while they can feel good, still technically being politically correct. They are basically saying that we have so much awesome stuff and such a great standard of living that minor, trivial crap becomes magnified and distressing for us. Aw, your Tinder date blew you off and not in the good way? Suck it up, cupcake! The greatest country on earth invented you a smart phone to find a mate and then look at free boobies when you fail to find one.  Young people in Cambodia used to be forced into arranged marriages.

And you thought your parents’ wedding video was awkward.

While it is good that folks are poking fun at themselves and the inane crap that bugs us, on the other hand they fail to say what they really mean and juxtapose First World Problems with the horrendous garbage that the rest of the world has to deal with. Sure you got stuck reading this Break article, but things could always be worse….

1. Getting Stuck With An Old Loaner Phone

“While my phone is being fixed I’m stuck with a Samsung so old it has an ‘options’ button instead of a ‘multitask’ button.” –binkabi

Things could always be worse….

Albino Children In Tanzania Are Hunted By Witch Doctors For Their Limbs

In the country of Tanzania superstitious witch doctors hunt down and hack off the limbs of albino children.  The witch doctors believe that the limbs of albinos can be used for potions that bring wealth and good luck. This has led to thousands of albino children being kidnapped and having body parts such as their teeth, hair, arms, legs and genitals removed all in the name of “magic.” I bet those witch doctors would find that old phone magical.

2. Getting Logged Out Of Websites Is “The Worst”

“Why do some websites automatically log out when I have the stay logged in thing checked?” – KurtBuschFan41

Things could always be worse….

600 Million People In India Don’t Use A Toilet And It Is Creating A Health Crisis

The government in India along with UNICEF had to create a PSA video to explain why shitting in the street is bad and will spread disease. The weird part of this was that the campaign to get people to stop putting human feces in the street was highly targeted on social media. So while many folks in that country don’t have indoor plumbing they have smart phones to watch YouTube videos. You really need to watch this insane music video and learn to put the “poo in the loo.”

3. Headphone Battery Died

“The battery in my wireless noise-cancelling headphones has run out on my commute.” – chrisrazor

Things could always be worse….

Women Are Punished By Caning For Standing Too Close To A Man In Indonesia

In Indonesia the law states that men and women who are not married are not allowed to get close to one another or show any signs of affection in public. Violating this law is punishable by being publically caned. Recently a university student found guilty of being in close proximity to a man was whipped five times with a cane before being taken to the hospital.  You could probably use those noise canceling headphones to drown out her screams.

4. Atrocious Netflix Suggestions

“I gave my gf mother my Netflix info and now I only get suggested shit movies and shows.” – SirShitPostsALot

Things could always be worse….

The Dictator Of Turkey Puts People In Prison For Liking Jokes About Him On Facebook

It is against the law to “insult” or make fun of the “President” of Turkey. Since he took power in 2014 over 70 people have been charged with making insults towards current president Recep Tayyip Erdogan. Recently a Turkish court found a journalist guilty of hitting the like button on a Facebook comment critical of the thin skinned leader. The journalist was originally sentenced to 28 months in prison where he will have a long time to come up with some Turkish president one liners or catch up on some shitty Netflix.

5. Sunglasses Make It Hard To Read Onboard GPS

“Driving with my polarized sunglasses everything is crisp clear without glass reflections but the phone screen becomes dark and I can’t see the navigator route.”  –countachqv

Things could always be worse….

Gangs In China Remove The Eyes Of Beggars To Get Sympathy For Collecting Money

Organized begging is prevalent in many parts of the world but particularly bad in China. Gangs and groups of human traffickers, will kidnap young children and abduct others they force to beg on the street in an effort to collect money from the public. In order to gain more sympathy for their beggars they often amputate limbs, cripple them or even blind them. When the children become “too old to beg” they may be forced into prostitution or sold on the black market organ trade.

6. Electronics Can’t Understand Voice Commands When You Are Stuffing Your Pie Hole

“I want to tell my Xbox to watch TV but there’s food in my mouth right now and it won’t understand me.”   –sgtsaughter

Things could always be worse….

Thousands Of People Starve To Death In North Korean Prison Camps

North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un has executed at least 70 people for political crimes. On top of that North Korean prison camps hold between 80,000 and 120,000 political prisoners. In a recent report the United Nations listed the atrocities as:

“Extermination, murder, enslavement, torture, imprisonment, rape, forced abortions and other sexual violence, persecution on political, religious, racial and gender grounds, the forcible transfer of populations, the enforced disappearance of persons and the inhumane act of knowingly causing prolonged starvation.”

7. The Horror Of Not Being Able To Use A Popcorn Button

“My microwave has a popcorn button, but the popcorn box says “DO NOT USE POPCORN BUTTON.” –grimsby

Things could always be worse….

Ugandan Warlord Joseph Kony Has An Army Of Children

You guys might remember Joseph Kony from that “Kony 2012” viral video campaign that ended spectacularly. However the real Kony never went away. While he is now reportedly in poor health, he and the Lord’s Resistance Army of Uganda are responsible for creating millions of refugees and have been charged with crimes against humanity. He believes he talks to God and is possessed by spirits, yet as the leader of the Ugandan guerrilla group he created at least 60K child soldiers in that country.  But you know, that popcorn button situation is a pain in the ass.

Follow Phil Haney on Twitter @PhilHaney