“Fatty” Kim Jong Un Is Mad At China For Hurting His Feelings

It’s nice to know that even in the throes of all kinds of post-election strife, America still has friends out there. Like North Korea and China, who have come together to help cheer us all up and make us forget about Trump vs. Hillary for a little while, by laughing at the comedy styling of amateur funnyman and professional mass-murderer Kim Jong Un. Or, as apparently the entire nation of China calls him, “Kim Fatty III”.

In the most hilarious news this month that both Republicans AND Democrats are most-likely-to-find-funny, it turns out that the North Korean government sent a formal complaint to their “ally” China (more like their increasingly embarrassed overlord).  North Korea was politely requesting that the Chinese government make its citizens stop calling him Fatty

This request was sent because literally millions and millions of Chinese people have been “Fat-shaming” little Kim on their most popular social media site “Weibo” (which is kind of like a combination of Facebook, Twitter and Instagram all rolled into one, for the Chinese population).

Remember, Kim is a very very fat little dictator!

How fat is he? He so fat he literally fractured both his ankles under his own weight!

And don’t forget, he’s pretty much the ONLY fat person in North Korea, a country that is constantly slipping in and out of famine.   According to rumors from people who were hired as chefs for Fatty Kim, Jong Un loves fine cheeses, expensive beef, and drinks two bottles of high-end champagne a day.  But his favorite food since childhood is American fast food, especially Big Macs, which he allegedly has shipped over to him by the crate-full from China.

In fact, he loves the Big Macs so much that in recent years he opened some North Korean ‘fast-food restaurants’ (only for the upper political classes of course). And according to details from visitors to North Korea, has told the Korean people that he invented the hamburger.  Which, you know, they believe, because none of them have ever seen or been allowed to eat anything even remotely resembling a hamburger in their entire lives.

In a country where the most insane version of Communist ideology has caused decades-long starvation, only the most mollycoddled grandson of the dictatorial ruling family could become so obese as to have broken cankles.

Which is all hilarious, except when you remember that everyone except high-ranking party members in North Korea looks like this:

That’s a 23 year old North Korean woman. Her favorite hobby? She collects and eats wild grass to avoid starving to death. While Fatty feasts on Big Macs and complains about being fat-shamed.

And he just keeps getting fatter:

Reports and recent photographs have suggested that Kim Fatty III has gained a hundred pounds since coming to power in 2012.  No wonder he’s the butt of Chinese internet trolls.

But China, we have to remember, is also a dictatorship; a way less oppressive one sure, but still one that can (for example) erase every single mention of a phrase on its internal internet. Which is exactly what they did when Fatty complained.

The difference is that hip cool Chinese youngsters, inspired as they are by capitalism and western movies, are having none of it.  As soon as China banned “Kim Fatty III”, they started coming out with alternatives, like “Kim Chubby III”, or “Kim Half-Moon” (which has the exact same Chinese characters as “Kim Fatty”). 

Not that the ban is likely to last very long anyways: the Chinese government banned “Kim Fatty III” once before, last year, but only bothered to keep it up for five months.  Even they’re so sick of this Lardass that they aren’t interested in more than a mere “token” gesture of temporary Totalitarian Censorship.

Anyways, I can’t imagine that anyone other than maybe the most radical of college-lefties in America would seriously argue that this Fat Tub of Crap doesn’t deserve to be mocked, to be literally SHAMED, for inflating himself to ankle-shattering levels of obesity while his people eat wild grass. 

Hopefully, in these troubled political times, whether you supported Hillary or The Donald, everyone in the free world can still come together and feel grateful that no matter how they feel about the political climate and democracy, there’s at least one sad little corner of the world where the morbid lard-ass running things is way, way worse.