Fast Food Restaurants: Death's Drivethru? Staff by Staff on Jun. 23, 2013

Doesn’t matter if you’re at a McDonald’s in New York, a Subway in Texas, or a Taco Bell in France, when you find yourself inside the warm confines of a fast food restaurant the outside world melts away - put me in a Popeye’s in the middle of Hurricane Sandy and see if I give one shit as I dive into my Po’ Boy. Or at least it used to be this way…before the last few weeks started happening. Which leads me pose to you this question: Is it even safe to eat fast food anymore?

I know grinding out an entire 8-minute video is nearly impossible for our generation, but if you made it to the end of this one, carried on the wings of the girl’s incredibly sexy, raspy voice, you saw the complete development of a full mental meltdown. Now listen, I understand that getting bacon served to you without ruler straight rigidity is absolutely disgusting, but that in no way warrants this sort of reaction. And honestly, in this day and age, when 4-year olds are bringing guns to pre-school, you just never know anymore. Someone just needs to tell her that shit happens… that’s life. Grow up and start drinking Starbucks like the rest of us.

And then we have our more traditional freakouts. No Facebook threats, no self-promotion- this psycho is doing it strictly for the love of the game:

You gotta respect this guy’s utter neglect for the 21st century. As if cell phones and security cameras don’t even exist, he just saunters up to the window and unleashes his rage. So what has this man who’s about one undercooked order of fries away from a shooting spree taught us? You just don’t know what to expect anymore, and the threat of danger is always lurking in the fast food game.

You know where 2,000-pound vehicles don’t crash through windows at deathly speeds? Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse. I don’t know what it is about fast food that just brings the crazy out of people, but it does, even when it’s unintentional like it is here. Fate guided that car right past the Marshall’s and straight into the first place with a value menu, proving it’s not just the customers. That’s the scary part. The industry itself has done a pretty efficient job destroying the glory that once was fast food and replacing it with fear-- Burger King now has optional razor blades on its burgers!

I’m thinking “everywhere” may be a bad spot for Burger King to keep its razorblades

And here we find a piece that details some of the behind-the-scenes prep work that goes into Taco Bell’s operation.

What the article fails to mention is the 34 likes on Instagram, making this career choice 100% worth it.

So I guess it’s time to throw fast food on that ever-expanding list of places we now need to fear, right up there with elementary schools, movie theatres, and strip malls. Yes, the days of a spontaneous Frosty trip with zero fear are long gone and instead, we must constantly look over our shoulder for the next star of the 6 o’clock news. We’ve lost fast food, people, and I for one am shocked it’s gotten to this point.

Jake Stasser is a guest blogger who has also written for Barstool Sports. Follow him on Twitter here.

EndOfEden User

God this b*tch is annoying....If anything she did something wrong.

Nightwolf2013 User

The real problem is the over abundance of dumbfucks in America these days..

Gregberu User

There is no Taco Bell in France, sadly!

Big_Toddler User

The main problem with fast food isn't just crappy food with the nourishment equivalent of a sofa cushion. The other huge problem is that these chains will hire ANYBODY.  I mean anybody.  There is literally no prerequisites to work at a fast food chain.  

I've actually been in drive-thru's where the person taking my order was using English phonetically!  They knew the sounds of the menu items and how much they cost. If you're lucky, you'll get 50% of your items right...

Kenneth-Howell-588 User

Of course he did not return the hamburger. He is just shaking them down. To bad they did not shoot him.

vold User

What about that guy at a Burger King who put pans of shredded lettuce on the floor and then stepped in them?

Greg-U-83 User

Bitch iin the first video would have had her head in the deep frier..ON THE INTERNET "because Im videoing this" you illiterate rip off artist.

steamplayer716 User

This is why i don't work in fast food anymore.

The-Langolier UserTop Commenter

"Jake Stasser is a guest blogger who has also written for Barstool Sports. Follow him on Twitter here." No thank you.

asshole1000 User

If you think a minivan weighs 2000 pounds, you're retarded.

smoke1383 User

“Rememeber this. The people you're trying to step on, we're everyone you depend on. We're the people who do your laundry and cook your food and serve your dinner. We make your bed. We guard you while you're asleep. We drive the ambulances. We direct your call. We are cooks and taxi drivers and we know everything about you. We process your insurance claims and credit card charges. We control every part of your life.

We are the middle children of history, raised by television to believe that someday we'll be millionaires and movie stars and rock stars, but we won't. And we're just learning this fact. So don't fuck with us.”


i think thats all they do eat fast food and go to walmart and cry about everything

Big_Toddler User


And the dumbest comment on Break today goes to....Kenneth-Howell-588!  Come on up and get your prize!  You won an all expense paid trip to Tom's Vasectomy Shack!  "where your ability to procreate is on par with your ability to say something intelligent!"

Poondog-67 User

@smoke1383 Your a spoled brat idiot get to work biotch and make me a sandwich.

synweb77 User

@smoke1383 Also anyone who compares someone who works at Taco Bell to a cop ora person who works at the phone company to an EMT.....  Is a complete idiot.