Facebook Blocks User Named Something Long And Complicated

He was born William Wood but in 2007 legally had his name changed to Something Long and Complicated.  As of this writing we’re not sure if that’s first and last name or all first name.  Nonetheless, it’s been his full, legal name for nearly a decade and is on his driver’s license and all his other ID.  Despite that, Facebook doesn’t like it and if Facebook doesn’t like something, the people shall pay!  It’s like the king of a tiny country no one lives in or even has to visit, but everyone puts all their crap in.

Facebook shut down Something Long’s account and now he’s pissed about it because, as he states, his “whole life” is on Facebook including numerous photos he can’t access anywhere else because apparently he doesn’t know how to internet.  The story makes it seem as though Facebook is the only place his wedding photos even exist which is sad for the whole family.

He’s sent documentation in but Facebook isn’t budging because apparently they just decide what names they like and which they don’t on whims now.  Something Long is distraught since all his friends and their contact info is stored on Facebook, and every site he uses with a Facebook login option such as 9gag and Tinder have locked him out because he can’t use the site.  Why he’s on Tinder when he’s married is a question for another day, however.

In the meantime, it’s worth noting that Facebook isn’t like a public park or a government file of information about you.  It’s not yours.  It’s Mark Zuckerberg’s.  Facebook can’t steal anything from you, you gave it to Facebook.  Think of Facebook like your neighbor’s basement.  Imagine going there every day to talk to your friends.  Imagine having private conversations there, and storing your pictures there, and meeting all your friends there and then, one day, your neighbor says you’re not invited over anymore.  And you say “well I want my stuff back” and your neighbor points out that he never asked for your stuff.  In fact, by coming over, you agreed that any stuff you give him becomes his.  And you were cool with that because you thought you could always come over.  And now that you can’t, nothing’s changed. 

That deal with your neighbor would be stupid.  And it’s exactly how Facebook works.  Maybe Something Long will get his account back and maybe not.  For the rest of you, maybe put a folder on your desktop with all your photos in it, just in case.