Everything Wrong With This Plot To Kill Joss Stone

Earnest-Pettie by Earnest-Pettie on Apr. 03, 2013

 

These two guys, Junior Bradshaw and Kevin Liverpool, were just convicted of plotting to rob and kill Joss Stone for no reason other than they hated her. This had to be one of the stupidest plots in recent history. Let's look at the facts:

 

  • First off, these are the only two guys in the world who even care enough about Joss Stone to hate her. Do you even know who Joss Stone is? She’s a British soul singer who released her first album in 2003. She released an album titled Introducing Joss Stone in 2007, presumably because people still hadn’t heard of her. 

This is Joss Stone

 

  • Notes were found on these guys detailing their plans to decapitate Joss Stone and dump her body in a river. Seriously? You had to keep a to-do list to remind you to decapitate her?
  • They used Google Street View to find out where she lived, but they got lost seven miles from her house. So... “Print out directions” wasn’t on their to-do list?        
  • They asked a post officer for directions to her home, using a picture to help track her down. First off, that’s just further proof that nobody knows who Joss Stone is, and, two, I hope the photo was just the cover of one of her albums. "Um... we're looking for her?"
  • They were driving a Fiat Punto. You barely have room for a dead body in a Fiat Punto. In Europe, car makers have never really designed cars with room in the back seat for corpses.

  • They crashed their car into a railing and an excavator and thought “Let’s keep going. There’s no way this is going to arouse suspicion at all.”
  • They brought a black-handled samurai sword, three knives, a section of garden hosepipe, two hammers, black gloves and ski masks with them. It’s almost like they over-prepared except they clearly didn’t. Also, again, they were in that Fiat Punto. At some point, they were going to have to decide "Do we keep the sword we paid for, or do we keep Joss's head?"
  • They had this note scribbled down in a journal: "The Queen - she-devil. But she likes Joss Stone. Invited to Will's wedding by Queen. Where's the sense in that?" Stop worrying about who the queen invites to a wedding! It's that lack of focus that led to such an awful plan in the first place.

- Earnest

Follow me on Twitter @earnestp 

 

27 comments
generic_name
generic_name User

And Liberals will argue that they should be given a 2nd chance because they just made a mistake.

generic_name
generic_name

And Liberals will argue that they should be given a 2nd chance because they just made a mistake.

smoke1383
smoke1383 User

"Do we keep the sword we payed for, or do we keep Joss's head?" Did you mean "Paid" ? If so, aren't you an editor? Also does Break have people who edit the editors?

smoke1383
smoke1383

"Do we keep the sword we payed for, or do we keep Joss's head?" Did you mean "Paid" ? If so, aren't you an editor? Also does Break have people who edit the editors?

BigredC
BigredC User

Where's the rest of the story? How did they get caught?

BigredC
BigredC

Where's the rest of the story? How did they get caught?

whatinitheworld
whatinitheworld User

They weren't against her, their hatred was towards the huge amounts of photoshop done on her picture

whatinitheworld
whatinitheworld

They weren't against her, their hatred was towards the huge amounts of photoshop done on her picture

ajgmazzieri
ajgmazzieri User

You basically just reworded (barely) every other article written on this. Why not just give us a link? like this... guardian.co.uk/uk/2013/apr/03/joss-stone-plotters-convicted-murder

ajgmazzieri
ajgmazzieri

You basically just reworded (barely) every other article written on this. Why not just give us a link? like this... guardian.co.uk/uk/2013/apr/03/joss-stone-plotters-convicted-murder

aroon02
aroon02

I care less about this than Joss Stone

Earnest-Pettie
Earnest-Pettie moderator User

You know what? I appreciate your pointing that out. I'm fixing it now.

Earnest-Pettie
Earnest-Pettie

You know what? I appreciate your pointing that out. I'm fixing it now.

pixiesprimecut
pixiesprimecut User

members of public called the cops due to suspicious activity...cops surrounded the car.they got sent down today,they are both mental,one is schizophrenic.

pixiesprimecut
pixiesprimecut

members of public called the cops due to suspicious activity...cops surrounded the car.they got sent down today,they are both mental,one is schizophrenic.

Earnest-Pettie
Earnest-Pettie moderator User

So your problem is that I listed facts from a story that I linked to and provided commentary?

Earnest-Pettie
Earnest-Pettie

So your problem is that I listed facts from a story that I linked to and provided commentary?

smoke1383
smoke1383 User

Good. Fixing mistakes makes everyone feel better.

smoke1383
smoke1383

Good. Fixing mistakes makes everyone feel better.

ajgmazzieri
ajgmazzieri User

you also managed to find the only picture that she looks good in (bc it looks nothing like her). for that i compliment you.

ajgmazzieri
ajgmazzieri User

You call that commentary? I hope you (and most others at break) only do this for a hobby, and have an actual day job. The content of this website is a fuking joke.

ajgmazzieri
ajgmazzieri

you also managed to find the only picture that she looks good in (bc it looks nothing like her). for that i compliment you.

ajgmazzieri
ajgmazzieri

You call that commentary? I hope you (and most others at break) only do this for a hobby, and have an actual day job. The content of this website is a fuking joke.

MitchB-R-KBoss
MitchB-R-KBoss User

wah wah wah...I troll Break because Mommy turned off my porn. You're a joke. Go back to uselessjunk.

MitchB-R-KBoss
MitchB-R-KBoss

wah wah wah...I troll Break because Mommy turned off my porn. You're a joke. Go back to uselessjunk.

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