This Is The Most Ridiculous Drug Commercial Yet!

So I saw this commercial on TV the other day…

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Dude, stop laughing. How can you expect me to take your disease seriously if you can’t? Awww, don’t cry. I wasn’t trying to be mean. It’s just you’re suffering from Pseudobulbar Affect (or PBA), a disease that I’m pretty sure was made up by the people selling you the medicine for it. It’s like how Paula Deen convinced people to mainline butter and sugar and then began hawking diabetes medicine. You just can’t trust anyone who wants to sell you meds, especially that “doctor” who works out of Starbucks. They’re all in it for themselves. I looked this disease up in an equally imaginary medical encyclopedia, and it said that main medical precursor to suffering from PBA was suffering from Restless Leg Syndrome, which itself was a symptom of chronic gullibility.

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I can already hear the outrage. “How can you be so insensitive, Break?” Well, first off, my name is Earnest– not Break. Second off, did you see the commercial? I think it’s fair to suggest the drug company was being insensitive, first. That commercial is a dare. They came up with the most ridiculous thing they could think of, put it on TV, and dared America not to laugh. Actually it’s a double dog dare. They lost the first dare with Restless Leg Syndrome. After this, they’ll probably go for broke and just put a picture of an anus on your TV and show it talking. “Do you suffer from Overcommunicative Butthole Syndrome? If so, we’ve got some pacifier shaped suppositories for you. But first, make sure you, your butthole, and your doctor discuss all the potential side effects of this medicine. Possible side effects include Restless Leg Syndrome, PBA, and a four-hour crooked erection.”

The fact is we know so little about our bodies that it’s easy for Big Pharma to take advantage of us. Today I found myself staring at my pinkies, wondering why they were so far separated from my other fingers. If an ad had come on television at that moment asking, “Do you suffer from separated metacarpals?” I’d have been on the phone with my doctor immediately. Once he stopped laughing, I’d ask him if he was ridiculing me or if that was just his PBA flaring up. The worst part is you know there’s someone at home thinking, “That’s totally me. I haven’t stopped laughing in days.” Since when was finding things hilarious a medical condition? It’s part of the Break job description! Are we crazy? Well, I did post a video of a 90-year-old white guy grinding on chicks in a black club the other night, so maybe I do need my head checked. 

Wikipedia says that evidence of PBA dates back 130 years and that Charles Darwin described part of the condition in his book, The Expression Of The Elements In Man And Animal. It was in that text that he recorded himself approaching a laughing hyena and saying “Hyena… you so crazy.” Wikipedia also says that 2,000,000 people are probably suffering from PBA right now. The easiest way to determine who might be suffering from PBA is to turn on an episode of 2 Broke Girls or Rules Of Engagement and see who starts inexplicably laughing. By the way, almost 8 million people suffered from Rules Of Engagement, last week, so you tell me which is the bigger problem.
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But let’s get back to the commercial. Let’s just say PBA is real. Even if it is real, you don’t hit us with slow-mo’s of old people laughing and crying. Seriously, some of those shots looked like they’d be more at home in an “alternative” music video from the 90s. At least give me a chance to believe that this shizz is real by making it seem serious at first. That’s a lesson you can take from your main competition for old people’s money, Nigerian princes who need our help in unlocking their cash. If they wrote their email in Comic Sans and started it with a picture of them looking sad at their local bank teller, they’d never trick old people into draining their bank accounts for the greater good. So come on, Drug Company, go back to the drawing board, come up with a new commercial, and give us something to believe in. But leave this commercial because I want to look at it a few more times and crack up… in a non-medically concerning way.
What did you think of this commercial? Let me know in the comments or on Twitter.
– Earnest on twitter @earnestp