Employees Get $2.2 Million After Company Tests DNA To See Who Pooped In Cans

A couple of employees of a grocery distributor were just awarded $2.2 million dollars by a jury because of some poop. That is not a metaphor; I mean actual human feces. Let me back up a bit though to explain. Someone at a company named Atlas Logistics Group Retail Services in Atlanta wanted to liven things up a bit -and with a company name like that who can blame them? Someone decided to start dropping deuces inside the company’s warehouse, and I’m not talking sales numbers here. In addition to the mess made in the warehouse aisles, some caca was also discovered inside the grocery distributor’s canned goods.  The can crapping happened on several occasions and obviously the company wanted to put an end to it before it hurt business. This sounds like a job for a filthy version of Colombo. “Just one more thing.  Did you happen to eat some corn last night?”


However, instead of Colombo, lawyers for Atlas wanted to go more CSI and required employees to give cheek swab samples (in the mouth) in order to collect their DNA. Warehouse employees Jack Lowe and Dennis Reynolds complied and their tests both came back negative as DNA match to the “Devious Defecator” as the unknown pooping perpetrator became known.


They just won a lawsuit started by someone pooping in a can. Win.

Well that seems fair, right? If they are innocent then they have nothing to hide, just fork over a bit of DNA and test it against the offending feces contaminating the company products. However under the Genetic Information Nondiscrimination Act (GINA) the company violated federal law for requesting an employee’s genetic material. Therefore Jack Lowe and Dennis Reynolds sued Atlas and on Monday were awarded the $2.2 million. $475,000 for mental pain and $1.75 million as punitive damages so other companies won’t try and ask for employees’ genetic material. The company plans to appeal the decision made on Monday, hoping to lower the amount. Wait…Dennis Reynolds… Dennis Reynolds… why does that sound so familiar?


OH MY GOD! This is all a big scam by the Always Sunny in Philadelphia Gang! I hope Mac, Dee and Charlie get a cut of that cold hard poop cash.

Do you think the $2.2 Million Dollar award is fair over DNA testing employees, or it is all a bunch of crap?

Follow Phil Haney on Twitter @PhilHaney

Source: Reuters