Elon Musk Says The Rescue Diver Who Called His Submarine A ‘Pr Stunt’ Is A Pedophile

Feel free to disagree, but the only way to make it through life in one piece is to assume that everybody is an asshole — your mom, your grandpa, that neighbor who volunteers to teach disabled kids basketball in his spare time – all assholes. Sure your mom cut the crust off all your sandwiches for years and years, but assuming right off the bat that she’s a she-beast in disguise will lessen the blow of crushing heartbreak when you find out she’s been cheating on dad with the neighbor, who has the handicapped children watch as he pile drives her cervix into next week.

My point is, if you expect the least out of everybody then you can never be disappointed. Kind of like how Elon Musk comes across like a cool dude, until you find out he called one of the divers who saved those Thai kids from the cave a pedophile.

Elon Musk Calls Rescue Diver A Pedophile — It Does Not Go Well

I don’t have any experience swimming through caves or building submarines, but my completely untrained eye and mind don’t think a sub would’ve worked. You ever try putting a square peg into a round hole, or take the dirt road home without lubing up beforehand? Granted, these kids weren’t in danger of having their assholes ruptured via friction dick, but something tells me a metal tube big enough to fit a child isn’t going to be able to navigate through a twisted cave system very well.

And the British diver who Elon decided to lose his shit over agrees:

Elon Musk Calls Rescue Diver A Pedophile — All You Had To Do Was Be Quiet

Frankly, the whole submarine thing out of Elon was a publicity stunt – and it worked, too! For a minute we all thought Elon Musk was a nice humanitarian who gave a shit about a bunch of kids trapped in a cave. Even if he didn’t give a shit about them, all he had to do was offer the submarine, get denied, then continue along his merry way, swimming in pools full of money and sticking his dick into the exhaust pipe of every freshly-made Tesla to make sure it’s up to his standards. Even AFTER the diver said it was a dumb idea, all he had to do was keep quiet.

Now look where we are – Elongated Muskrat is facing backlash from every corner, and he even took the pussy route and deleted his tweets. For those of you keeping score at home, the diver just scored 500 points for being an actual hero, and Elon got spanked with a paddle and sent to the bench for the rest of the game.

And in a fun twist of events, the hero diver is potentially considering a lawsuit against Musk for defamation. You hear that? It’s karma knocking at your front door Elon, while the rest of us wonder why we can’t get the fun Musk from all those fake tweets.

[H/T Gizmodo]