Batman is one of the more celebrated superheroes in culture as we speak. And the Fox drama Gotham along with the Christopher Nolan movies breathed new life into Batman at a time when Hollywood almost killed him. That means we’re bound to see more villains on the screen for the Dark Knight to play with such as the news that Scarecrow will make an appearance as a young villain on “Gotham.” Cool! But…been there, done that, right?
Recently we explored the dumbest moments in Batman’s catalogue to ever grace the pages of Detective Comics like Batman and Robin sleeping in the same bed, or the amount of people that know Batman’s true identity (too damn many). But now it’s time to explore the dumbest villains to ever come face to face with The Dark Knight whom need way more of a re-tooling than these other tired characters we’ve grown accustomed to seeing.
10. Crazy Quilt
He’s a painter turned crime lord who went crazy after a botched operation caused him to see nothing but ridiculously bright colors. He uses a helmet to disorient and hypnotize his enemy with a blinding flash of colors. He’s basically a slightly less annoying and nausea inducing Nicki Minaj.
All you need to know is that he’s a sentient gorilla who fights Batman in a clown costume. In our world, he’s not an evil enemy hellbent on reeking havoc. He’s just a poorly put together Halloween costume.
The great Vincent Price first played this round headed villain for the 1960’s Batman TV series. He bills himself as the world’s smartest criminal who thinks that egg puns are still clever. He also has an arsenal of weaponized eggs including (I swear this is true) eggs filled with tear gas laid by chickens that ate nothing but onions.
7. The Cluemaster
This poor man’s Riddler first worked as a game show host before his failure caused him to turn to a life of crime. His hook is that he loves to leave clues for the hero to find at the scenes of his crimes, which pretty much negates the purpose of being a villain. They should just call him “Confession Man”.
6. Polka Dot Man
If the thought of Crazy Quilt’s poor taste in fashion made the oatmeal rise in your throat, then you might want to skip this one. The foe also known as Abner Krill uses the ultimate fashion faux-pas to fight the Dark Knight. The dots on his costume can be removed and turned into weapons and even an escape vehicle. Let that one sink in for a second.
5. Kite Man
The villain also known as Chuck Brown doesn’t just fly from crime scene to crime scene with a giant kite strapped to his back. He also uses kites as weapons. He also more than likely from Portland.
4. The Film Freak
This actor turned criminal uses his extensive knowledge of movies as part of his devious crimes while constantly quoting his favorite films while committing them. He’s basically what Harry Knowles would be if he turned evil and could fit into a pair of form-fitting Spandex.
3. Colonel Gumm
Character actor Roger C. Carmel, also known as Harry Mudd during the original “Star Trek” series, first portrayed this Batman villain whose implement of evil was stamps. So technically, his true arch nemesis is email.
2. The Bookworm
The 60’s TV series also brought this strange villain into Batman’s universe played by Planet of the Apes star Roddy McDowell. Just like the others, his schemes and plots were inspired by famous literary plots. He could also knock out his enemies with books that emitted tear gas or by making them read anything written by Dan Brown.
1. Condiment King
This character first made an appearance in the acclaimed Batman: The Animated Series in the 90s before making the jump to the comic books. The Joker brainwashes a stand-up comic into becoming the world’s most hilarious villain who uses ketchup and mustard guns to send his victims into anaphylactic shock. We assume he’s called “Condiment King” because “Diabetes Man” was too inappropriate for children.
Yep, all of those villains are pretty terrible. Your move, Gotham.
by Danny Gallagher