The Drunkest Squirrel Ever

How much damage can a squirrel do, really?  They’re basically rats with better PR, mostly owing to the poofy tail.  They get by alright, we generally tolerate them in our cities and some people even feed them.  All is well.  But make no mistake, the squirrel is a wild animal and it has no restraint, no sense of propriety or tact.  The squirrel is a beast and no squirrel is more beastly than the monster that recently invaded the Honeybourne Railway Club in England.

The owner of the club was under the impression he’d been robbed when he came to work and discovered the place pretty well trashed.  Glasses and bottles were smashed, there was beer everywhere, and it pretty much looked like someone helped themselves to a party.  And then, out from behind a bag of chips, staggered a single, drunken squirrel.

Apparently the squirrel, after getting trapped inside somehow, managed to hit the tap for the Caffrey’s Ale.  So, with free flowing beer and no other options in sight, the squirrel got wasted.  And then trashed the room because what else would a wasted squirrel do?

The incredible part is that the squirrel managed to rack up several hundred dollars in damage, meaning this squirrel is a pretty mean drunk and should probably see someone about his problem.

The club owner managed to catch the little booze hound in a plastic garbage bin and he returned it to the wild where it could enjoy its hangover and tell all its squirrel buddies about that one time it got so drunk.

This story is less unusual than you might think as squirrels have proven themselves to be piss tanks over the years.  Generally speaking they get drunk on fermented fruit,

or pumpkins;

The little guys seem to get a wicked buzz on and act about the way you’d expect a drunk squirrel to act.  So keep that in mind if you run a bar – close your windows.  Just in case.