This man in China will be telling his friends this “fish that got away” story for a long time to come. While intoxicated, the man inserted two pond loaches into his anus.
The fish climbed deep inside his intestines and one of them even chewed through his colon, making its fishy way into this man’s abdomen. Ouch!
It's a boy!
Did this suck? Probably! The man reported extreme pain and was taken to a nearby hospital. The fish were in the man’s body for over a day and though they were successfully removed, the man has (obviously) developed some pretty serious infections he’s going to need some time to recover from.
Now, based off of this story we know it’s a bad idea to stick a pond loach up your anus, but here are some other fish that it’s also a bad idea to put where the sun don’t shine.
These large, pink fish are delicious to eat, but I wouldn’t stick one up your anus. One reason is that some species of salmon have sharp, flesh destroying teeth that would probably do some damage to the inside of your rectum. The second reason is that they are filled with parasites, which can’t be sanitary. The third reason is that salmon are huge! The Atlantic salmon can weigh as much as 60 lbs and stretch as big as 5 feet from snout to tail. Your large intestine is only about 5 feet long so if you managed to wiggle a salmon all the way into your anus, it’d be a pretty tight fit and definitely fill up your whole body cavity which would most certainly kill you. For all of these reasons and more, You should not stick a salmon up your anus.
Sharks are carnivores that primarily eat meat to survive. Sticking a shark up your anus might sound awful, but to the shark it’s a regular anus buffet. If you stuck a shark in your butt, it would just eat its way out which would be pretty lame for you. Also, some sharks are as big as 46 feet across which is much bigger than the intestine size of most humans. Don’t stick a shark up your anus. It’s impossible and even if you managed to cram a shark’s head up in there it’d still be awful.
Now, it’s definitely physically possible to stick a goldfish in your anus. Big ones only grow to be about a foot long from nose to tail and small ones are usually only a few inches. I still wouldn’t do it because goldfish need to be in water to survive and I doubt your rectum has enough water to sustain a goldfish habitat.