The Sex Toy, The Fish Truck And The Mini Accident

Driving to work can be a real hassle if your commute is too long.  You’re coming in from out of town, you’re on the road with literally hundreds if not thousands of others and, depending on where you are in the world, you might have miles and miles of summertime roadwork to get through.  Who can handle that without getting stressed?  No one.  No one can do this without getting stressed.  So maybe you want to bring an anti-stress aide into the car..?

An unnamed lady in the UK was driving her Mini when she apparently smashed right into the back end of a fish truck.  This being the UK it’s hard to tell if that means a truck delivering fish or a food truck selling fish and chips and neither matters because, regardless of what she hit, she apparently hit it because she was driving her Mini with one hand and working herself with the other.  Someone spotted her using a rabbit vibe on herself and quickly buttoning up her pants after the accident occurred.

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Most places have outlawed things like texting while driving, and you’re supposed to use a hands free device to talk on the phone even.  But in this lady’s defense, very few jurisdictions seem to have made any explicit laws about the use of sex toys behind the wheel.  Sure, it probably qualifies as distracted driving in general, and any accident could be chocked up to negligent driving or even some kind of willful misuse of an automobile.  Unless that’s how Mini’s run in the UK, no one here has driven one so we can’t say for sure.

Odds are the Mini Muffin puncher would have gotten away with it too if it wasn’t for those meddling kids in the fish truck.  The management at the fish company is apparently super concerned with what happens behind their trucks and, as such, they actually have rear security cameras.  So when they wanted to see how the accident occurred, they were all treated to an impromptu solo amateur porn film that surely didn’t get shared all around the office before the media was informed.

Let this be a lesson to you all who may abuse the awesome power of the automobile for unrecommended purposes – it’s all fun and games until you get caught.  And if getting caught is part of the thrill and you’re not super concerned with that, maybe watch the Robin Williams movie The World According to Garp which should really hit home the dangers of sexual chicanery in an automobile.

Can Florida top this story?  Have no fear, of course it can!  Back in May, a 23 year old mother was arrested for drunk driving.  So far so bad, but that could have happened in Vermont, what makes this s Florida story, you ask?  She was also breastfeeding a 2 month old at the time and had three more toddlers in the car with her.  Now that’s a Florida story.  And, to but the Tampa icing on your cake, when she was pulled over she refused a breathalyzer but told cops she’d eaten four hamburgers.  Each burger was topped with whisky.  What a champ this lady was.

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Slightly more sad is that cops pulled her over, not for drunk driving while breastfeeding a baby, but for an altered tag on her car.  That’s what they noticed.  Then they caught on to the rest after getting a look in the vehicle.  Fun bonus tidbit, her passenger seat was being used by a can of gas.  Why?  Why not?  The lady is eating whisky burgers, it’s hardly the time to start questioning why she has gas cans in the passenger seat.