Make Tinder Great Again! Donald Trump Tries His Hand At Online Dating

Despite being in a hotly contested battle to become the Republican presidential nominee, Donald Trump apparently has the time to test out his Tinder game. Since he’s a prolific tweeter who also happens to be a billionaire, he probably figured that picking up chicks online would be no problem.

Let’s see how he did.

The first thing I noticed is The Donald lied about his age on his profile. While definitely a sneaky move by the 69-year-old, it’s a common tactic in the online dating world. We’ll give him a pass.

As for the rest of his profile, he went with his stump speech. Considering how well he’s doing compared to the rest of the GOP field, why not? If it works in the politics, it should work on Tinder, right?

And for the curious Americans among us, 30 centimeters is just shy of 12 inches – or about what he insinuated at the last debate.

Trump had moderate success with Kelsey. He again went the political route. Unfortunately for The Donald, he was able to touch her mind but unable to touch her heart.

With Kristen, Trump switched up his strategy. Instead of talking shop, he came out firing with his best pick-up lines. Unfortunately, his lines were so good that Kristen’s laughter overshadowed her romantic interest.

In an attempt to play it cool while getting right to the point, Trump tried to seal the deal with Mackenzie with his opening line. Tragically, Little Marco’s attacks on Trump’s small hands resonated with this informed voter.

Despite facing opening opposition from Eunice, Trump countered with a political fact while also defending the size of his hands right off the bat. It appears as if Trump was surprise that his response was a success because he forgot that his third wife is actually from Slovenia, not Mexico. It went downhill from there.

Trump was on the defensive right away when Tanisha greeted him by calling The Donald an idiot. Give him credit, he was able to take control of the situation by firing off the rest of his pick-up lines. Unfortunately, despite Trump’s best efforts, he realized that his Tinder experience was doomed.

Then again, maybe this really wasn’t Trump since we know he doesn’t quit when things get “weird.” Maybe this was all an elaborate ruse. I suspect Lyin’ Ted.