Dolly Parton: Hello Dolly

Monkey500 by Monkey500 on Sep. 30, 2015

dolly as madam

The simple truth is that unless you're old enough to remember dial up internet, or you’ve just returned from a family vacation at Dollywood, or have a “thing” for much older woman, there’s not too many reasons you’re likely thinking about country singer and actress Dolly Parton without her clothes on. Not that it’s not worth doing, mind you, but at this point she’s like 700 years old. Then again, back in the day, young’uns, her nude boobs were the most famous in the world. Hashtag giantboobfact. 

WHERE CAN I SEE DOLLY PARTON NUDE?

The simple answer is you can’t. The classy gal has been famous for decades, and not a singular nude photo or clip exists. End of discussion? Hardly. With breasts as tetonic as hers, as truly epic, as majestic, as….(sorry, got caught thinking about how hot she was), even said bazooms with limited clothing is a truly worthy feat. Check out this clip from 1982’s “The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas,” which was filmed at the peak of Dolly-mania.

Want more of where that came from? This clip gives more of the same, plus even a healthy dose of Burt Reynolds and his mustache. By the way, he was a massive star at the time, so the thought of those two celebs together in a movie seemed like it would have been a huge hit. It wasn’t, which again proves my theory that no one wants to see boobs and mustaches at the same time.

WHAT DOES DOLLY PARTON THINK OF HER BOOBS?

Needless to say, it’s a topic that she’s been asked about many times and she’s not shy about discussing them. “I don’t mind. I’ve kind of exposed them. I had big boobs all my life, but I had ’em made even bigger, so why not just go along with the fun. People hopefully now at least know there is a heart beneath the boobs and that’s one of the reasons my boobs are so big, it’s just all heart pushin’ out my chest.”

dolly bunny

IS DOLLY PARTON’S BODY (I.E. HER BOOBS, DUH) ALL NATURAL?

She’s a genuinely funny woman, in addition to being a first rate songwriter and singer. "If something is bagging, sagging or dragging, I'll tuck it, suck it or pluck it.” Come on, that’s a dang good line. So is this one: “I describe my look as a blend of Mother Goose, Cinderella, and the local hooker.” Want one more about her boobs? Ok.” I don't know if I'm supporting them, or they're supporting me.” Let’s face it – the woman is awesome. Seriously awesome.

dolly ready gif

There are though rumors of what she’s done to keep said boobs at their best, the most famous being that she had a rib removed so that they would look even bigger. True? "Oh, that is so BS! In fact, I went into a restroom in Los Angeles years ago, and this girl said, 'Oh, I want you to tell me, does that really hurt?' I was like, 'What? Does what hurt?' She said, 'Like, when they take your ribs out.'"  'Take my ribs out? I was just gonna order ribs for dinner! What are you talking about?'”

dolly silver gif

“And then she said, 'Wait, didn't you and Cher have your ribs taken out to make your waists look little?' I said, 'No, my waist is little because nothing grows in the shade!’ Same reason my feet are so small."

dolly finger gif

IS DOLLY PARTON A ROMANTIC?

Sure seems that way, if you know her giant body of work (songs, that is) well. In fact, she wrote one of the most beloved songs of the 20th century, even if you think a dead crack head did. Yep, she will always love you. And we will always love Dolly for her voice, her talent, her laughter and of course (wait for it) her boobs.