He Kissed A Dolphin And He Liked It

While most of us were cheering for more hot wings and beer and for Marshawn Lynch to hold another press conference, some people in the world were preparing this story about a new documentary that details the special relationship between one man and one dolphin and by special we mean full on dolphin sexing.

Though stories like this are not new, they’re definitely rare and who’s to say how many get immortalized in documentary form?  In this case, a 63 year old man named Malcolm Brenner shared his story of working at a Florida theme park with dolphins back in the 1970s where he met a slippery chick with sexy fins named Dolly and slowly developed a relationship with her.

How do you form a relationship with a dolphin?  According to Malcolm, she’s the one who seduced him, it wasn’t his idea and he didn’t even want it.  Without meaning to cast aspersions, it is worth noting that this is very commonly what a number of sex offenders, particularly pedophiles, tend to say about the people their victims, too.  Which isn’t to say Malcolm is lying, God knows no one around here knows what kind of dudes dolphins would try to pick up if they tried to pick up dudes (isn’t that a tongue twister?) it’s just worth noting that, if you don’t believe an animal can consent or instigate a sexual relationship any more than a child can, then it’s interesting to note the similarities.

Brenner says his relationship lasted a full year and he includes the story of how they first got together, with him petting her sides down to her tail and her spinning in circles in the water, until presumably he was petting something else.  Then one thing lead to another?  You’ll have to watch the documentary, which apparently includes a cartoon re-enactment that has to be stellar.

The crew behind the documentary didn’t just fall out of a tree onto to Brenner, the man himself had already written a book on the subject which he entitled “Wet Goddess.”  And they say all the good names are taken. So clearly Brennan is pretty open about his past and wants others to know about who he is and what he does.

Whether or not most of us know it, there is in fact a community of people at large in the world who identify themselves as “zoophiles,” those who, in their own words, choose to have sexual and romantic relationships with animals.  To a zoophile, an animal like a dog or a dolphin is capable of such a relationship with a human, and it’s more than just sexual.  They maintain it’s as real a romantic and loving relationship as you would have with a human partner, it just so happens it’s not a human partner.  They also fully believe their animal partners are able to and do consent to sexual relationships.  Malcolm Brenner is such a person and, since his relationship with the dolphin, also says he’s had one with a dog.  So that’s something.

Is it possible for an animal to have a consenting, sexual relationship with a human?  We’ve all had a leg humped by a dog before but it’s probably hard to say if the dog has any legitimate feelings for you or that’s just the canine equivalent of being a frat boy.

Brenner says the dolphin kept coming on to him and he resisted at first until he thought to himself “would he make so much excuses and rationalizations if it was a woman?”  It’s worth noting, of course, that a woman would likely just say what she wanted, and you could take her out for a drink, and ask her what she does for a living, and where she’s from, and her favorite food.  Can’t do that with a dolphin. 

Brenner says that, when the dolphin died, he was in a depression for 5 years afterwards, which is how he knows it was a real relationship.  I might argue being in a 5 year depression after a one year sexual relationship with anyone let alone a marine mammal is a sign of weird, needy instability, but I’m no doctor. 

Dolly the dolphin was moved from the park 9 months after she and Brenner met when the park closed, and he believes she killed herself at the new facility, the result of a broken heart.  Historically many marine mammals adapt poorly to new surroundings and often run the risk of poor health and dying, feel free to watch Free Willy and the Dolphin Tale movies to see this in action.

Are we being too judgmental here?  Is Malcolm Brenner allowed to have a relationship with an animal?  Can they consent?  Is it unfair to even compare this to pedophilia or are they remarkably similar? 

Pics and original story from Sunday World