We Clicked it So You Don't Have To: The Week In Clickbait

The clickbait never ends.  Fortunately, we never stop clicking to save you the effort.

Deadly Knight

What we Thought: Batman is going to straight up murder some villains.

What it Was:  The producer of the movie said that Batman is not just the cops, he’s also jury and executioner.  So probably this metaphor just means Batman is angry, not stabby.

Space Oddity

What we Thought: Aliens have been writing messages in the sky

What it Was: It’s a star that is 20% dimmer than it was 100 years ago.  So no one knows why.  But sure, maybe aliens.  Maybe space hippos.

Flashsanity!

What we Thought: The military made a flashlight so powerful they had to ban it themselves because it could see through time or some such.

What it Was: It’s the G700 tactical flashlight.  It seems pretty bright.  Need a bright flashlight?  Maybe get this one.

 

This Isn’t Going to Be Classy at All

What we Thought: Someone beat the crap out of the Kardashians

What it Was: Someone in clickbait land skillfully forgot to include the word “photoshopped’ in their headline. The pics are fake and being used in an anti-abuse campaign, but no one asked the Kardashian Klan for permission.

There’s a Theme Here

What we Thought: All Vines are about boobs

What it Was: Many Vine compilations skillfully include boobs at the point where thumbnails are snapped.

Sexy Veg

What we Thought: Cauliflower has somehow made nerds horny

What it Was: Apparently, for about a month, cauliflower crops were struggling so the price had gone up.  This literally has nothing to do with Jennifer Lawrence.

Chipotless

What we Thought: Chipotle has been banished from the food landscape by the overlords of obesity

What it Was: Chipotle HQ decided to shut all stores for an afternoon to train employees about food safety and whatnot. 

Are You There God, It’s Me, David

What we Thought: David Bowie found religion and was interested in tweeting his way to Paradise

What it Was: Whoever runs Bowie’s account followed the humorous God parody account.  David Bowie probably had no idea, since he clearly didn’t run the Twitter himself and was obviously a little busier with real life issues.