We Clicked It So You Don’t Have To: This Week In Clickbait

Clickbait is as strong as ever in 2016.  Rest assured, we’ll click it first so you never have to.

Ziggy Stardust Lives?

What we Thought:  Evidence that the legendary Bowie faked his own death is some kind of meta-awesome art project thing none of us will understand until a few years pass.

What it Was: A dead link.  Is that ironic?

Game of Unfinished Books

What we Thought:  Game of Thrones is over, George Martin just can’t do it anymore because he’s too busy buying hats from tugboat captains.

What It Was: He missed a deadline, which he’s done for pretty much every book he’s ever written and his next book will be late, just like every book he’s ever written.  But he is going to finish it.

Stupid is as Stupid Does

What we Thought:  You’re acting the fool all the time and don’t even realize it.  Maybe because you are a fool.

What It Was: Random behaviors that you likely don’t do everyday – are you holding a beer while swearing at work? – that may make you seem less intelligent to people in research studies.

Two-Facebook

What we Thought: Facebook finally went too far and slept with your girlfriend

What It Was: Facebook, a few years ago, pretended its apps were broken to see how long people would go without using them before abandoning the apps altogether.  It was just a one time experiment, and they found people came back no matter what. 

Keepin’ it Caucasian

 

What we Thought:  Third dates for the Third Reich!

What It Was:  It’s a site to meet white people.  You can join if you’re not white.  Even the NAACP wrote a letter stating that, while it’s odd to make a dating site for white people in Utah, the site and everything about it aren’t hostile to people of color in any way.

Mom’s a Speedbump

What we Thought: These kids hate their mom.

What It Was: They did not run over their mom, the car rolled towards a hill and mom stopped it, paralyzing herself. 

Switchy Fish

What we Thought: McDonalds is making transgendered fish?

What It Was: Some fish have to be intersexed and that may be from hormones that may come from livestovck manure and pharmanceuticals.  The word “may” is used a lot.  Also herbicide is a likely cause, but it doesn’t sound as fun.

The Burninator!

What we Thought: Apparently some fellow has been to hell and we’re all going to need some new sunscreen.

What It Was: This guy OD’s on Valium and went to hell.  He came back and now draws doodles of all the people burning in the flames of Hell, so watch out for that.  Apparently he also went AWOL from the army, went to a crack house and smoked a bunch of crack.  Then he had a Valium.  Then he went to Hell.  He’s better now, though.