It’s the week of Christmas, did clickbait take a break? Not at all.
Steve Boogeyman Harvey
What we Thought: Steve Harvey picked the wrong Miss Universe somehow, but apparently also drained her blood or abducted her to his swampy lair.
What it Was: Just that first part where he read the wrong name, nothing that requires Ghostbusters or Buffy the Vampire Slayer to fix
What we Thought: Finally, getting drunk off your ass will turn you into a cut badass
What it Was: There’s a compound in wine that may help enhance performance while exercising. Or, in layman’s terms, that headline is just 100% lies.
What we Thought: Somehow we became a meme without knowing it.
What it Was: Just another non-sensical list that means nothing.
To Catch a Predator in a Galaxy Far, Far Away
What we Thought: Some compelling evidence that Star Wars spoilers were crushing lives
What it Was: Hyperbole is dead and some people take Star Wars way too seriously. Han Solo dies.
What we Thought: Maybe this old lady had discovered some kind of seriously awesome revelation about life and how to enjoy it.
What it Was: The story said she hadn’t met anyone special enough yet. This is no way changes the goals of anyone else on earth. That aside, here’s a larger picture of her.
Oh, we see through your little thin façade of tolerance and acceptance, website we’re not naming. And your all too conscious efforts to not point out the obvious about why this woman is single. Good for all of us for being so enlightened and civilized.
What we Thought: A lesson in giving
What it Was: Whoever created this “social experiment” basically went to the Boys and Girls club of Atlanta and talked to underprivileged kids. According to the article, most of them were from families who couldn’t afford Christmas this year. They then asked these poor kids what they wanted most for Christmas, and then what they thought their parents would like most. And, for the kicker, they told them they could really have one of those gifts. But only one. Which to choose?
Most kids picked the gift for mom and dad, some picked for themselves. The point? Supposedly something about selfishness? By making poor kids choose between themselves and their parents. Is it selfish for a kid who has nothing to pick a gift for themselves at Christmas? No. It’s selfish to make an exploitative video disguised as an uplifting message by forcing children through something so mean, though. Screw this video and the people who made it.
It’s Gone Offline!
What we Thought: You can mail clickbait to people?
What it Was: Holy crap, it’s actual, mailed clickbait. There’s no escape!