Dad Writes Brutally Honest Resume For Daughter Who Honestly Seems Pretty Useless

You could be the best employee in the world, but if your resume is trash you’ll have zero chance of getting hired. Going through high school we had tons of resume-building workshops and practice interviews to get us ready for the exciting world of minimum wage and bills, but let’s be frank – when you’re 15, you’re pretty fucking useless. Kind of like 16-year-old Lauren Moore from the UK, whose dad “helped” her write a resume to send off to potential employers.

Dad Writes Brutally Honest Resume For Daughter

Dad Writes Brutally Honest Resume For Daughter: Could Be Worse

Don’t worry about Finance and French, Lauren – the only phrase you need to know in French is “I surrender,” and as for finance that’s what Turbo Tax is for.

Can’t help you with your work experience though. Getting on your father’s tits? Fucking everything up? Girl if you can’t manage to dig yourself a hole right then I don’t know what you think you’re going to accomplish in the real world. That’s not to say you won’t get hired though; you definitely will. The only people who don’t get hired these days are the ones who are qualified, and the ones who DO get hired are the idiots who somehow fail themselves upwards but are willing to do it for menial pay and benefits.

As for skills, well, I have to commend you — they are absolutely spot-on for any low-level government job here in the United States. Grab yourself a visa and get the fuck over here, because I can’t remember the last time I went to the DMV and didn’t come face-to-face with someone 800 years older who still possessed all those traits. Lauren might be useless as fuck-all too, but at least she’s nicer to look at than the rotting swamp fetus that always manages to take my license photo when I’m blinking.

[H/T Mirror]