5 Hilariously Insane Mayoral Candidates

With the upcoming election and news that Canada just elected a male model and Guatemala just elected a completely inexperienced comedian, everyone kind of has election fever.  And why not, elections are more fun than ever these days since they’re riddled with completely inappropriate candidates who inexplicably have genuine chances to hold political office.  And nowhere is this more obvious than on a small mayoral scale where any crackpot in your town can and will put their name in for mayor.  Check out osme of the latest and greatest would be mayors.

Toledo Doom

 

 

Straight out of Toledo is Opal Covey, a woman who calls herself a prophetess and miracle worker.  This is her 5th shot at mayor but, to be fair, she already won once (according to her) it was just an evil conspiracy that kept her out of office.

Her campaign posters promise locals a pot of gold if she’s elected.  She also promises lots of amusement parks because said gold can be made at amusement parks.  People love amusement parks, and it’s true, look at Disney World.  That place makes a ton of money, so Toledo should probably just build like four of them.  Also, if they don’t elect her, God will destroy Toledo.  You relaly should wathc the video, she explains it by speaking in tongues.  No joke!

 

 

Miami Jesus

You know what they say about Florida.  There’s nothing wrong with a candidate proclaiming a love for Jesus.  Every week we watch athletes thank God for wins as though he were a problem gambler.  Things get a little weird in Miami though, when mayoral candidate Anna Pierre not only says she’s the candidate Jesus picked for Mayor, she’s also being intimidated by voodoo.  Florida politics are brutal and metaphysical.

Pierre is also a registered nurse in Miami which is a piece of information you can combine with her Jesus endorsement and voodoo attacks and make absolutely nothing out of or create some kind of question regarding the state of healthcare.  We can’t control what you do with anything we tell you.

Imaginary Friend 

In Memphis, a man described as “long shot non-partisan candidate” Leo Awgowhat became a noteworthy candidate not because of his stance on the issues, not even because of his majestic neck beard but because he took the time to spray paint his own name on the grave of a confederate general.

Awgowhat used red, the most stately of colors, to slap his name one either side of the grave of General Nathan Bedford Forrest.  Upon his arrested, Awgowhat disavowed direct involvement, instead opting to throw a close friend under the bus – himself.  He blamed it on another personality, his imaginary fried Awgo.  Oh that little scamp!

 

Underoo

Would you vote for this dude?

It’s not that his message sounds terrible, it’s just being delivered in a soggy, wet, droopy package.  You don’t need to see your potential mayor’s dong in wet underwear ever, do you?  Probably not.

This Guy

Finally, from Oakland, comes Peter Liu, who you can see means business because he’s running for mayor whilst fully armed.    What does Liu have going for him?  Man, let’s pull out a bullet point list for this one;

  • Get rid of all professional sports teams in Oakland
  • Issue concealed carry licenses to all business owners
  • Let cops carry out searches for illegal weapons whenever they like
  • Good citizens will join armed militias
  • Will “bitch slap” people who get in his way.  Intellectually.
  • He is not a piece of s#1t

Well, you can’t argue with that.