Shopper Destroyed by Costco-Fu For Not Showing Receipt

You ever shop at Costco?  No word of a lie, you can buy 1000 pickles there for $20.  OK, maybe a little lie.  But it’s probably something close to that.  Costco is zany like that.  But the zaniness comes with a price and that price is this (aside from money, I mean, which you must also pay); they check your receipt!

The process is a little dumb but you buy your goods, get a receipt, walk 10 feet, show your receipt.  This is either to ensure you’re not smuggling out 200 rolls of extra absorbent toilet paper you didn’t pay for or as a courtesy to make sure the unreliable Costco cashier didn’t just screw you by overcharging you for hams.

Joe Biden, about to be suplexed by a Costco bakery employee.

So once upon a time in 2013, Tim Walls was all up in his local Costco buying bulk mayo and creatine powder when it became his turn to show his receipt on the way out the door.  Now who knows what happened between the register and the door; maybe he jammed it in a bag, his back pocket, maybe he dropped it.  Who knows?  Point is our boy didn’t have it handy or just didn’t want to show it for stuff he literally purchased less than 5 minutes previously.  The Costco employee, who had to swear on a Satanic Bible to enforce Costco rules, was not having this kind of BS and tried to hold Walls until the receipt was produced.

As shopping law dictates, Walls was required to try to murder the Costco employee at this point so a fight broke out.  Unfortunately for Walls, Costco does not screw around when it comes to anything and that includes hiring badasses.  A second employee leapt into the fray and with a single, well-placed falcon punch busted Walls’ leg in several places.  I can’t be 100% sure it was an actual falcon punch, but the source did say “a martial arts strike” in the singular and it resulted in several fractures.  What else could it be?  Buddha’s Palm?

Walls is suing Costco for nearly $700k now to cover medical expenses, lost wages and pain and suffering.  Honestly, I don’t have a lot of sympathy for him though.  Just show your receipt, man.  And if you’ve already engaged in mortal combat with a Costco employee and another guy comes in and nearly rips your leg off then beats you with it, that’s on you for being one of those guys who starts a fight then loses horribly upon realizing you’re terribly outmatched.  Sounds to me like Walls was a bully who got Costco’d like a boss.  But maybe I’m wrong.

The Jabronis can shop at the Wal Mart!

Whatever the case, I’m happy to know Costco is employing people with the work ethic of the Iron Sheik who won’t tolerate your crap if you can’t follow a few simple rules to get great deals on bulk items.