Potato Lady Has Potato Growing inside Her

9 times out of 10, you don’t want something growing inside you.  Really, babies are probably the only thing you want and that only affects half the population.  So when a woman in Colombia went to the hospital with abdominal pain and a nurse discovered roots growing out of her.  Out of where?  Oh, you know where.

Turns out this lady was a fan of folk wisdom and/or lazy contraceptives.  Why use condoms or the pill when potatoes literally grow right out of the ground and are potatoes? The woman readily admitted to having inserted the potato into her secret garden in an effort to prevent pregnancy, either as a result of a potato’s awesome ability to smack down sperm, or because it was just a big potato blocking a somewhat smaller hole.  She did this without anticipating a potato’s ability to grow roots in any dark, humid environment, however.  You know how when you leave a potato in the cupboard too long, it starts looking like its growing tentacles?  Yeah, you imagine that in this scenario.

The woman’s mother gave her the helpful potato advice, proving that some kids in the world will still believe any stupid thing so long as their mom says it.  Sadly mom never gave her a time frame so two weeks later the woman couldn’t endure the discomfort any longer and wound up in the ER with half the makings for hash in her drawers.

Lucky for the woman, surgery was needed and probably just some tongs and a whisk were all that was required to alleviate the issue.  Even better, the potato caused no permanent damage, because imagine having to go through life with a permanently wounded or scarred crotch as a result of a misplaced potato.

If this sounds insane to you, please remember that once upon a time (the 1920’s), it was recommended, here in America, that women could clean themselves out with Lysol if they wanted to prevent pregnancy.  Lysol.  Lysol was not a different product back in the day, either.  There’s no evidence any woman ever tried this more than once, but it was still a thing the company itself tried to make people do via advertisements in magazines.

Even in America today, education about pregnancy prevention is pretty sketchy.  According to one study, 18% of men think sex standing up can prevent pregnancy and 24% of Americans think using two condoms will make it more effective than using one. Neither one of those things are true, by the way.

On the upside, even potatoes have come a long way from ancient pregnancy prevention techniques.  Back in the day in Egypt a nice paste of crocodile poop was a thing people would use as a contraceptive, possibly due to the fact no one would have sex with anyone whose genitals were smeared with crocodile poop.