Political Correctness Just Made Watermelon Racist

If there’s one hope for modern Western culture to survive it will be in liberals and conservatives who are not morons banding together against liberals and conservatives who are morons. We surely know, in our hearts, that not everyone who holds different political ideologies is evil, no matter what news networks want us to believe. A liberal could even have fiscally conservative leanings while a fiscal conservative could even be OK with gay marriage. It doesn’t have to be black and white. And in fact, if this story is anything to go by, if it is black or white it’s racist. Stop saying black. White is probably OK, you can’t be racist against them anyway. But don’t do anything else that may be racist. Like eat a watermelon.

A highschool football coach in Charlotte was just fired from his job because his team ate a watermelon. This was not a group of kids in blackface vaudeville-style in front of a team of actual black kids. This was not a hate crime, a prank, or a joke. This was what happens when a football team stopped on the way to a game to buy an actual watermelon from a fruit stand to eat because they were hungry, and then ate it.

The tradition of buying watermelon is apparently years old and, on that first day, the team celebrated their victory by eating the watermelon they’d picked up. Then they did it again, and again. Now they bring a watermelon to every game that they smash and eat if they win. Or they used to until a parent from an opposing team watched them do it and decided it was racist. They complained, the school investigated, the coach was fired.

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Let’s stop a minute to appreciate something – watermelon is not racist. Do you know why a watermelon is not racist? Because it’s a fruit. It’s as racist as chestnuts, foot stools, the wind, pickle jars and butt plugs. Lifeless, non-sentient things cannot be racist. Only idiots are racist, and only people are idiots. Idiots can also be confused by watermelons.

Historically, watermelon has racist connotations, but does anyone even know why? Yes, but not idiots who have coaches fired from their jobs because of it. Way back when, watermelon was a fairly prolific crop in many states that practiced slavery. Slaves were known to sometimes steal watermelons from the fields as a way of hitting slave owners where it hurt; in the pocketbook. They were portable, plentiful and it didn’t hurt that watermelon is a damn tasty food that everyone can enjoy regardless of race or how absolutely stupid you are, like say you’re the kind of idiot who thinks watermelon is racist and has a coach fired from their job.

At the same time, defenders of slavery had decided that you could easily justify slavery by pointing out just how happy slaves were to have a melon and a little time to eat it. Truth be told if you’re a slave you’re probably happy to enjoy any small comfort in life, but that’s beside the point and ignores the fact that this image was latched on to and became perpetuated throughout minstrel shows and the extended culture of racist dipshits for the remainder of history up until now.

So knowing a little of the history of the association between racism and watermelon is useful, but in no way justifies what you have to assume is the world’s douchiest liberal watching the actual eating of a watermelon in a context that seems like it couldn’t have been racist in any way whatsoever, and complaining about it. Was the coach wearing a white suit, sitting in a rocking chair with a shotgun, and watching his players eat the melon? Did he make them carry him back to the school on their backs while whipping them? What the hell happened here that was actually racist?

Racism is what happens when you believe your own race is superior to another thanks to certain traits or abilities specific to one of those races. It’s not based on science, it’s based on ignorance, and fruit has nothing to do with it. Conflating fruit with racism is just as ignorant. You may as well shut down every supermarket that sells watermelon. Better shut down KFC too lest someone buy fried chicken, you know how racist that is.

Racism is about morons who hate for no reason. Watermelon is a goddamn fruit. Get your head on straight. (Source)

UPDATE:  The coach has since been reinstated after agreeing to take classes on diversity and sensitivity.  So from now on they eat cantaloupe?