Evil Clowns Are Terrorizing France

Two weeks ago we told you about the killer clowns from Cali and how residents of Wasco were worried about the presence of creepy looking clowns.  Well, those Wasco clowns were nothing but posers. The real monsters are in Europe, giving hell to the people of France.  All across the country in towns like Montpelier, Agde and Bethune clowns have also been stalking the streets  but unlike the Cali clowns, these French ones beat the ever-loving crap out of people.

In Agde, police arrested a gang of 14 teenage clowns armed with baseball bats, knives and guns.  They have guns! In Montpelier a clown was arrested after beating a man half to death with an iron bar.  In Bethune the local terror clown just got a six-month suspended jail term for standing outside a school dressed as a full on clown threatening to kill anyone who walked by.  But presumably in French so it was less intimidating.

Even more unusual than an abundance of evil clowns is the fact that France doesn’t actually celebrate Halloween, so this isn’t just people taking advantage of the season; there is no season over there.  Certainly they are aware of it but it’s mostly a meaningless American thing as far as the French are concerned, the monsters.

After news spread about the evil clowns, a band of teenagers formed an armed posse to take them out (armed with clubs and a tear gas canister no less- can you just buy those at French corner stores) and the police had to intervene and let people know that, despite reports, there have really only been a few incidents of clowns causing trouble and it’s no reason for people to panic.  To this one might counter that there are at least three recorded incidents of clowns threatening to or actually trying to kill people in France – exactly how many is too many?  Do you need 5 clown attacks before it becomes an issue?  Three evil clown attacks seems like a lot.

Proving this isn’t new out in the world, police in the UK had to respond to 117 clown-related calls last year, so there’s a European tradition of clowns being awful.  If you ever thought the pervasive “fear” of clowns that people purport to have was false or exaggerated, it looks like there might be some basis in reality for it, at least for Europeans.

Police have blamed social media for spreading clown related stories and inflaming the panic, but it’s also worth noting that there are rumors of future clown-related plans on Facebook as well, including a plot for a massive clown attack in the French town of Dijon.  God willing, someone will save the mustard.

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If you’re a regular viewer of Break, you’ve also seen the several part series of evil clown prank videos we’ve posted that are also European in origin and feature some pretty realistic brutality at the hands of clowns and assorted other costumed miscreants.  Is it possible there are no good clowns at all in Europe?