“Jade Helm 15” sounds more like an old AOL user screenname than a conspiracy by the United States Federal Government to launch a military takeover of the great state of Texas. But for some people including some very prominent Texans it is an all too real threat to civil liberties, property rights and freedom. Walker Texas Ranger himself, Chuck Norris said; “The US government says, ‘It’s just a training exercise. But I’m not sure the term ‘just’ has any reference to reality when the government uses it.”
Chuck Norris Fact: When Chuck Norris believes a government conspiracy, the government actually makes it a reality just so Chuck Norris doesn’t look foolish.
The conspiracy goes like this:
The Pentagon calls Jade Helm 15 a large scale military exercise taking place across six states for two months in order to better prepare our troops for combat situations overseas. Just as they have done many times for many years in the past. However a leaked map of the operation marked several states including Texas as “hostile.” This alarmed Texans who see this as proof that the “military exercise” is just a cover for a planned federal government takeover of the state.
Huh, weird; if the military exercise is taking place in six states, how come only Texas is worried? Everyone is ganging up on Texas!
In addition the government is in collusion with superstore chain Walmart who suddenly closed five stores due to “plumbing issues.” Two of these stores are in Texas and will be used as a base of operations for the military takeover.
The Walmart stores also have underground tunnels running between them to help facilitate the takeover, because you can really get ANYTHING at Walmart.
If you love a good conspiracy theory like I do, this video right here is a delicious crumb cake.
Now Jade Helm 15 conspiracies could be laughed off as the new “Tower 7.” However, the actual, elected, current Governor of Texas Greg Abbott has ordered the State Guard to monitor federal troops during the operation. Abbott said in a letter to the commander of the Guard saying;
“During the training operation, it is important that Texans know their safety, constitutional rights, private property right and civil liberties will not be infringed. I am directing the Texas State Guard to monitor Operation Jade Helm 15.”
This is where Chuck Norris wants to drop kick some of his facts on you. Chuck wrote an article this week praising Governor Abbot and presidential candidate, Texas Senator Ted Cruz for their refusal to take the government’s word for it. He defends those that question the military exercise saying;
“Concerned Texans and Americans are in no way calling into question our brave and courageous men and women in uniform,” Norris wrote. “They are merely following orders. What’s under question are those who are pulling the strings at the top of Jade Helm 15 back in Washington.”
A lot of what Chuck Norris has to say is hard to argue with at face value; a lot of patriotic stuff, question authority, don’t always believe everything you hear, good times -aside from the fact that Texas is already a part of the United States of America so what the hell is a “military takeover?” What would be the point? There are already FIFTEEN United States military bases in Texas- so you already lost Chuck! That and let’s say for a moment that Obama really did launch a “military takeover” of Texas, instituting martial law on its citizens- because no one else would have a problem with that!? Wait; maybe this is all just a ploy to distract us from what’s REALLY going on! Texas wants to secede from the union and they are trying to get the US military out of the state so they can leave! It’s all right here with this group called The Republic of Texas that believes Texas is legally an independent country!
That, or Texas really knows how to troll us HARD.
One thing is for sure, Texas sure knows how to kick ass at entertaining the rest of us. To celebrate Jade Helm 15 taking over Texas for the United States here are 15 here are 15 GIFS of Texan Chuck Norris kicking commie ass right out of Texas!
Follow Phil Haney on Twitter @PhilHaney