Chuck E. Cheese Is Finally Adding Alcohol To The Menu

If you’re a parent in modern America, you’ve definitely said this phrase at least once in your lifetime, “God I wish Chuck C. Cheese had a bar because I really need a drink right now.” Well, your dreams of bad parenting practices are coming true because the kids pizza restaurant chain is finally going to start serving alcohol.

We mean for the adults, of course, unless there’s something kind of federal law that the ATF changed that we don’t know about yet.

“C’mon, honey–mama’s gotcha. *belch “

The chain has been experiencing a bit of a slump these days because even though market research tells them that kids want to go to the restaurant at least once a month, their parents are only willing to take them no more than three times each year. Apparently, parents don’t look forward to visiting the place where the entire county of children can run around screaming all at once. I know, I’m as shocked as you are.

So they figured they could entice the parents to bring their little ones to their restaurant a few extra times by offering them a glass of “Make the Pain Go Away” juice in the form of beer and wine. No more having to drop the little one off before heading over to the nearest bar, hoping that there’s no CPS agents at the pizza restaurant.

The restaurant chain also added coffee products to their menu last April as a way to bring in more adult customers. Apparently, it’s not working because why try something complicated like a latte when you can barely master recipes that involve slapping cheese and liquid tomato on what appears to be a slice of rounded cardboard?