Love Untangling Christmas Lights? Then This Is The Job For You!

My experience untangling so many Christmas lights for so many years actually could pay off now – if I weren’t so lazy to apply.

What am I talking about? Well, the grocery chain Tesco (specifically, the store in Wrexham — in the U.K.) is hiring Christmas light untanglers. Yes, this is a real job.

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The ad states: “The successful candidate will be genuinely passionate about Christmas, have the ability to untangle a set of Christmas lights in under three minutes and excellent people skills.”

Where does Tesco get off, one wonders? Why don’t you just be responsible and wrap up your store lights properly when you are “undecorating” the season before?

But upon further investigation, this actually is a brilliant marketing ploy. The ad also states that this will be a job untangling customers lights while they shop. Not sure why it has to be in under three minutes, but having never been to Tesco, maybe they have a super, uber-fast checkout system the rest of the world is not aware of. And you could apparently be untangling 60 sets of lights on any given day. Ooof.

How much does the job pay though?! Unfortunately, Tesco isn’t as clear on that part of the equation which means they probably aren’t going to get that many applicants if people aren’t seeing dollar signs upfront.

A Tesco spokesperson had this to say: “To help locals enjoy the festive season and relieve some of the stresses often associated with the Yuletide season, specifically, tangled tree lights. Tesco has launched a search for someone who can conquer one of the most frustrating jobs of Christmas.”

I only hope next year they can add the job “Murder Family Members and Get Away It Helper Person.” While I shop, of course.

But this concept is intriguing to me because if I can have someone else do my meaningless, horrible tasks while I shop for alcohol and toilet paper (in that order) – on the store’s dime – I’d definitely give them my business.

What are some things I’d want done for me? Well, luckily I have a list:

Listen to my girlfriend

Trying to pretend to listen to my girlfriend.

And also break up with her, but then get back together with her by the time I am checking out. Just to keep her in check.

Laundry

Funny Big Bang Theory laundry GIF.

Does this one need any explanation?

Shoplift

Yes, I know a store will never hire someone to shoplift from them, but I don’t have the balls to try it. And shoplifting would solve all my budget problems.

Punch someone

Pro wrestling knockout punch GIF.

There are so many people on this list and if I could load my shopping cart while I see a few of these people take a right hook or two in the face, I could die a happy man.