How Much Would You Pay For a Real Human Baby?

These days they say it costs about a million dollars to raise a child from birth to 18, which is a hell of an investment to end up with someone like a break editor who still stops by to steal frozen meat and canned goods from mom and dad once or twice a month.

The internet, which we believe without question, says a surrogate mom can expect up to $20,000 for gestating Jr., plus medical expenses and maybe a hot meal or two tossed into the mix, which isn’t a terrible gig.

But say you want to buy a baby.  Just a pre-made, already existing baby.  What’s that cost?  Private domestic adoptions of healthy newborn babies in America can cost between $30,000 and $50,000 according to AmericanAdoptions.com, plus a few months of your time.  That’s pretty intense and costly.  Isn’t there a better way?  And by better we mean less scrupulous and maybe one that inspired this entire article?  There sure is!  Black market babies!

We’re in no way endorsing human trafficking via the black market but we are willing to educate you on the recent story of a Chinese mother who colluded with her obstetrician to sell her baby boy to a couple for 42,000 yuan.  She gave 35,000 to the doctor and kept 7,000 for herself.  CNN reported this story as a woman selling her baby for $7000 but brother, the Chinese yuan is not on par with an American dollar.  7000 yuan is actually worth about $1100 USD.  That’s a bargain basement baby.

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Havoscope.com, a terrifying website, has an entire list of black market pricing for anything from babies to guns to human organs if you’re so inclined to see how far humanity an debase itself, and it’s pretty eye opening.  It helpfully converts everything to US dollars for you, but remains abysmally horrible when you see that a baby from Indonesia goes for $160 to $250. You probably spend more on groceries in a month.

If it sounds disgusting to you that someone could sell a baby for $160, you probably don’t want to know that girls in Mozambique have reportedly been sold to traffickers for as little as $2.  That’s no typo, either.  And you can probably guess why these kids are being sold – it ain’t to make a happy home.  It’s because some people are the worst kind of monsters you can imagine and the world is an awful place sometimes.

Back to China, where selling babies has been an issue for a very long time thanks to the county’s one child policy.  Authorities there recently busted a ring and saved 37 babies that were being transported in suitcases and handbags to prospective buyers.  That’s literally as crazy as it sounds.

Incidentally, if you’re wondering what the cheapest way to get a baby is, considering that no matter where you procure them from you’re going to have to spend the same amount to raise them, arguably, we recommend the old fashioned way.  You and a friend of the opposite sex do what you need to do.  But, you know, do so responsibly.