This “Milk” At A NY High School Is The Most Disgusting Thing You’ll See Today

t wasn’t until my first “real people” job that I found out that no, people do not chug milk by the gallon. As in, my first day at the office I killed over half of a gallon of milk by myself, prompting people to stare at me in horror because apparently more people are lactose intolerant than I thought.

“We really only use that for coffee…” the office manager told me with a raised eyebrow. “Are you trying to prove a point or do you just really like milk?”

No idea what “point” he was talking about, but goddamn do I fucking love milk. I can go for a cold glass of cow juice anytime, anywhere, as long as it’s skim and yes I know drinking skim makes me a pussy but whatever, fuck it. The only people who drink whole milk are either 300+ lbs. or infant cattle.

The milk they serve at Catskill High School up in New York, though? Hard pass.

At best, that is diarrhea. At worst, that is the fermented corpse of a rat from the dairy factory that became liquefied after getting trapped in a milk carton. Neither are ideal, and lunchtime at the local high school should not resemble a blooper reel from Fear Factor. There’s even a good chance whatever came out of that carton kills brain cells, because only an idiot would film a video vertically in 2016. Looking on the bright side though, as long as this “milk” comes out the same way it went in at least the kid won’t have to wipe more than once.

And while you and I watch this and think “Ew, the school should really stop trying to poison their students,” Redditor silenttd broke down exactly what’ll happen before anyone even LIFTS a finger to get the milk switched out:

Yep, this

will be in that bottom section of Fox news with all the click bait stories, as well as all the local news sites looking for content. There will be a blurb about the school being “aware” of the problem and actively working with vendors on fixing it. Meanwhile, the comments section will be filled with a political back-and-forth about “Michele Obama’s school lunch program” that will inevitably devolve into ridiculously off topic conversations about Trump, recounts and Jill Stein. Those comments will be broken up by the occasional bot telling us how they made $7600 working from home this week and one idiot either arguing with it or asking for contact info. Meanwhile, these kids drinking sludge will spend the rest of the school year drinking tap water while the district manages local fallout for being a story-o-the-week. Until next September when they proudly announce that they switched milk vendors and have switched to serving the kids prison-loaf to offset the costs.

The school will spend more time and resources tracking down the source of the video then they do on actually correcting the problem. He

will face some sort of disciplinary action citing some obscure rule in the Code of Conduct. The original video will be taken down as part of a hopeless attempt at making the story go away, but since they have no real clue how the internet works it will backfire and they’ll spend a sizable chunk of their budget on lawyers who are more than willing to get paid for their time tracking down mirrors to serve them with ‘cease and desists’ if they continue to host the video.

I’m calling it now — September 2017, headlines read “SCHOOL DISTRICT UPGRADES LUNCH PROGRAM AFTER VIRAL VIDEO,” only to be followed a few days later by “45 STUDENTS HOSPITALIZED AFTER INGESTING PRISON-LOAF SCHOOL LUNCH,” and we repeat the whole process a second time.

This is our school system — no wonder we’re so fucked as a country.