I can remember a time when the idea of an X-Men movie was just a bunch of page filler in an old Wizard Magazine (Of course Angela Basset is Storm, no brainer!) and the entire notion of a Comic Book film was smugly shrugged off with “Yeah, but remember Batman and Robin?”
In the case of the X-Men we’ve got the passable first film, the really good second film, and then some other stuff I don’t really want to talk about—and finally X-Men: First Class which laid the seeds of potential for rebooting the franchise safely and in universe. Prodigal and legally troubled son Bryan Singer returns to the house he built in 2000 to begin the next phase of “X” films by adapting the much beloved Claremont/Byrne Days of Future Past storyline using the cinematic universe that, has for the most part, been fucked up. Here are some scenes that I hope are part of the fun and will have me falling out of my D-BOX seat with excitement!
#10: THEY BRING BACK CYCLOPS
So in X-Men: The Last Stand they kill off Cyclops in the first reel. Jean Grey shows up as Dark Phoenix, has a new hairstyle, yadda yadda. Scott Summers is all like “Oh my god, I thought you were dead let me love you”, and then she pretty much tears him apart at a subatomic level for shits and giggles. Cold, I know. Cyclops isn’t the barn burner that Wolverine is but he’s a pretty vital character to the mythos at large and future films can benefit from bringing back comic’s quintessential boy-scout (not named Kal-El).
#9: THEY FIND CURLY'S GOLD
After six films set in the X-Universe and countless easter eggs hidden throughout the films I think its finally time that the gang finds Curly’s Gold. That's right. Let that sink in. Comic Book movies rarely strive for believability but I just can’t stretch what little I’ve got to believe that Colossus hasn’t burst through that walled off cavern or that Professor X hasn’t used his abilities to locate the stash. Enough is enough! Let ‘em have a win, Singer!
#8: BATMAN SAVES THE FUTURE
So how awesome would it be if, like, Batman showed up? Weird cross company promotional type shit like that weirdo X-Men DOFP mid credits bit on Amazing Spider-Man 2 (Gwen Stacey Dies). Like Wolverine is all “where does he get those things” or something just really cool and a great way to introduce us all to Ben Affleck as Batguy.
#7: PAY HOMAGE TO THE BEST (LIVE ACTION) BEAST EVER
Beast is a tricky character, no one is denying that—guy is covered in blue fur and kinda has the Wolverine hair going, and he’s smart right? Right. Anyway. The young man who’s playing the role currently is doing a fine job but you’re not going to beat Kelsey Grammer. Fucking Frasier Crane, the man’s vocal talents ooze intelligence. I think we’re all looking forward to the moment when the current Beast orders tossed salad and scrambled eggs along with the split second image of a “force ghost” Kelsey Grammer looking on approvingly.
#6: YOUR NEIGHBOR'S FAN FICTION ACTUALLY APPEARS IN THE MOVIE
Listen—no one is going to lie to you and tell you that your neighbor's fan fiction is any good but he’s your neighbor and he always says hi whenever you see him. The least you can do is read it the next time he brings it up especially since it’ll prepare you for the pivotal scene late in the film where Wolverine gets a rotavirus and is helpless to a Sentinel attack and sure as shit "EVERY-MAN" (who is obviously modeled after your neighbor!) saves the day.
#5: BRETT RATNER'S CAMEO
After Singer was pushed off of X3 due to his prior arrangements with a certain Man of Steel Brett Ratner, seagull of the entertainment industry, swooped in and dined on the bloated corpse that is the third movie in an unplanned trilogy. Supposedly possessing a nice visual style the film appeared to have a decent chance after the first trailer premiered and relied heavily on the action. What we got was kinda tall and sorta muscley Juggernaut in a weird body suit.
#4: PROFESSOR X TAKES A VILLAINOUS TURN
It happens in the comics (what doesn’t!) and leads to the creation of Uber-90’s character ONSLAUGHT. That’s a whole big mess of stuff they probably don’t want to mess with but I wouldn’t be surprised if we see some hints here and there regarding Ol’ Bald Chuck’s turn to the dark side. Picture this, a sack race is proposed as a team building exercise for the X-Men and Magneto’s Evil Mutants League or whatever they’re called but Professor X is left out. He fumes as Magneto takes the lead. He fumes and he plots.
#3: LESS WOLVERINE
Wolverine is the glue of the X-Men movie-verse. Basically you’re looking at five movies so far that are, essentially, Wolverine films and I doubt this new one is going to be any different. Hopefully the other guys will get some time to shine in Days of Future Past, maybe while Wolverine really gets into a gifset on Tumblr and ends up spending like, I don’t know, four hours looking at memes and slow motion boob jiggling gifs.
#2: GAMBIT'S ORIGIN (AS "HAMBIT")
I’ve seen bits and pieces of X-Men Origins: Wolverine on FX over the past couple of years and I know that Gambit is in the film and kinda sucks. But what about Gambit's origin? With this new film, all of our questions are answered. The true origin of Gambit is he was once a ham throwing maniac. Hopefully with word of Channing Tatum being cast as Gambit (aka HAMBIT) for the next X-Film we’ll get an interesting cameo in Days of Future Past from everyone’s favorite ham throwing Cajun. Who wants a deck of cards when you have a never-ending supply of ham!
#1: ANT-MAN GETS A CAMEO
A picture is worth a thousand words. Enough said.
Written & Illustrated by Roger Johnson