Woman Has Best Excuse In The World On Why She Had Threesome With Dogs

There are loads of activities in life that aren’t illegal, but that you still shouldn’t do regardless. Quickest examples that come to mind: drinking bleach, hiding in the middle of clothing racks and screaming “BOO!” and unsuspecting passerby shoppers, cussing out the Starbucks barista who spelled your name “Courtney” like a normal human being and not “Kortney” like some backwater Kardashian…all things you technically can do, but none that you  should do.

Notice how bestiality didn’t make the list. That’s because you shouldn’t do it, but also because it’s illegal which means you can’t do it.

Unless you’re  64-year-old Carol Bowditch, that is.

According to The Sun, our granny in question was caught having sex on-camera with a St. Bernard, a black Labrador and an Alsatian. That’s right, three dogs – Bowditch had a threesome with several large breed canines. While you sit there and judge her lifestyle choices, keep in mind that most of you haven’t even had sex with ONE woman, so while her bedroom antics may make me want to gag, at least she’s getting it from somewhere. That “somewhere” is apparently the pound, but beggars can’t be choosers when it comes to sex.

Bowditch’s poor life choices were discovered during a police investigation that focused on a man who reportedly organized weird sex parties where owners watched their dogs have sex with women, followed by the owners having sex with the women afterwards. You’d think the owners would want to go first for obvious reasons, but what do I know? I don’t have sex with dogs, or any animals for that matter. I am an expert in most subjects, but bestiality is sadly not one of them. Weird how they don’t offer classes on that in college, huh?

Police eventually were led to Bowditch’s home, where a search revealed a DVD and USB stick with footage of her having sex with the dogs on it. “When the DVD was analyzed it was found to contain extreme images,” prosecutor Victoria Rose said while speaking to the Lincoln Crown Court. “Those images portrayed persons committing penetrative sexual acts with dogs.”

“Included was an eight minute and 59 seconds video of Mrs. Bowditch engaging in vaginal and oral sex with a St. Bernard dog named Oscar…when the defendant was interviewed she admitted she had penetrative sex with dogs.”

Despite the overwhelming evidence, Carol Bowditch eventually walked free from court. How, you ask? What was her defense? Who was her lawyer? Did she blow the prosecutor’s dog in exchange for her freedom?

No – according to prosecutor Victoria Rose, Bowditch admitted that this had been going on for “several years” but that “she was unaware it was illegal.” Yep, Bowditch walked free using the “Durrr I didn’t know” defense. And to be fair, having sex with dogs isn’t really hurting anyone aside from the dog, but even THAT’S up for argument depending on if you view it as animal abuse or animal gratification.

Wow, typing the words “animal gratification” sent a shiver up my spine. Let’s hope none of us ever have to read or type that again. Carol, do me a favor and keep it in your pants…for all our sakes.