Subway Scourge: Men Spreading Their Legs

This seems like the set up to some gross jokes, but apparently men spreading their legs like butter on a bagel has become such a serious issue on public transit that there’s a new campaign from new York’s Metropolitan Transit Authority to encourage dudes to sit lady-like with their legs together instead of airing out their nuts and taking up two or more seats in the process.

Manspreading, as the campaign calls it, is the habit of a man to sit and spread their legs so wide no one can sit comfortably next to them.  This is likely due to an issue with ill-fitting pants or swollen, cantaloupe-sized testicles, no one knows for sure because no one wants to ask.  The problem this creates is that, if enough men do it, then no one gets to sit down and that’s a problem.  People like sitting.  Now the MTA has actual signs asking you to lock those knees together so people can sit and not have to worry about your junk springing out like a honey badger leaping from a burrow.

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In a bizarre twist, some men’s rights groups have taken issue with the campaign saying it unfairly targets men who are genetically and physically incapable of closing their legs, which is probably news to most men who manage to sit in single seats when driving cars or at the movies or anywhere, really, because we all know you can sit without crushing your nuts if you want to. 

So pervasive is this issue there are blogs about it and tumblr pages dedicated to posting pictures of dudes sitting with their legs spread wide and free.  Yes, this is probably annoying for someone who wants that seat but doesn’t feel comfortable asking someone to move, but on the other hand let’s appreciate the fact that few if any guys do this because they’re being insensitive jerkasses, it’s mostly just because it’s a comfortable way to sit and if no one is next to you, you probably don’t consider it rude to use some of that space.  The very fact this became not just news but an actual campaign from the transit Authority is kind of mind blowing.

In an effort to clear the air and make everyone comfortable, I invite everyone to stand, have a few drinks and chill out on the subway from here on out.  Make a new friend, maybe start dancing, produce those charming viral videos we see every few months of people trying to make the subway more fun, and relax.