18 Adult Merit Badges You’ve Definitely Earned

Forget how to build a campfire and helping old folks across the street; Here are awards of merit based on ridiculous behavior we often partake in as adults.

THE DRUNK BIKE RIDING BADGE. For merit in thinking it was ever a good idea to ride anything with wheels in the street while intoxicated.

THE ASS ON FIRE BADGE.  For merit in explosive diarrhea or the hot farts.

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THE DRUNKEN FOOTBALL BADGE. For merit in thinking any sport drunk would not lead to bodily harm.

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THE DRUNKEN WIFFLE BALL BADGE. For merit in having or simply knowing someone with a wiffle ball set, let alone the booze that goes with it.

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THE WALK OF SHAME BADGE. For m–just, God bless you.

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THE ATTACKED BY A SQUIRREL BADGE. For merit in surviving the possibility of having your genitals removed by the wrath of man’s enemy.

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THE SKID MARK BADGE. For merit in being filthy.  Ladies, you have this too, we all know.

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THE CRAPPING BY A TREE BADGE. For merit in doing exactly what you need to do…when you need to do it.

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THE DRUNKEN SHOWERING BADGE. For merit in making showering WAY more interesting.

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THE SEX IN A TENT BADGE. For merit in doing what horror movies told us exactly what not to do.

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THE DRUNK WHILE CARRYING YOUR BABY BADGE. For merit in handling being a parent.  It’s not all roses like your facebook friends want you to think.

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THE TEXTING DRUNK BADGE. For merit in thinking you’re not being an asshole to people at 4 in the morning.

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THE BONG MADE FROM AN APPLE BADGE. For merit in making due with something other than a bong.

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THE BROWN BAGGING IT BADGE. For merit in drinking like a hobo, you dirty hipster.

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THE YOGA FARTS BADGE. For merit in putting spice onto that downward dog.

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THE CROP-DUSTING BADGE.  For merit in farting around people that annoy you like a boss.

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THE SNOT ROCKET BADGE. For merit in refusing to keep a sleeve clean.  You never walk away without shrapnel.

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THE SCREWED YOURSELF BADGE. For merit in royally f’ing yourself over.  Way to go.

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How many do you deserve?  Probably all of them, right?  I knew it.  Lucky for you can buy them from HERE.

So which badge do YOU think is missing?  Personally, I deserve a nice “crapping with the door open” badge.

@TODD_SPENCE