18 Adult Merit Badges You've Definitely Earned

Forget how to build a campfire and helping old folks across the street; Here are awards of merit based on ridiculous behavior we often partake in as adults.

THE DRUNK BIKE RIDING BADGE. For merit in thinking it was ever a good idea to ride anything with wheels in the street while intoxicated.

THE ASS ON FIRE BADGE.  For merit in explosive diarrhea or the hot farts.

THE DRUNKEN FOOTBALL BADGE. For merit in thinking any sport drunk would not lead to bodily harm.

THE DRUNKEN WIFFLE BALL BADGE. For merit in having or simply knowing someone with a wiffle ball set, let alone the booze that goes with it.

THE WALK OF SHAME BADGE. For m--just, God bless you.

THE ATTACKED BY A SQUIRREL BADGE. For merit in surviving the possibility of having your genitals removed by the wrath of man's enemy.

THE SKID MARK BADGE. For merit in being filthy.  Ladies, you have this too, we all know.

THE CRAPPING BY A TREE BADGE. For merit in doing exactly what you need to do...when you need to do it.

THE DRUNKEN SHOWERING BADGE. For merit in making showering WAY more interesting.

THE SEX IN A TENT BADGE. For merit in doing what horror movies told us exactly what not to do.

THE DRUNK WHILE CARRYING YOUR BABY BADGE. For merit in handling being a parent.  It's not all roses like your facebook friends want you to think.

THE TEXTING DRUNK BADGE. For merit in thinking you're not being an asshole to people at 4 in the morning.

THE BONG MADE FROM AN APPLE BADGE. For merit in making due with something other than a bong.

THE BROWN BAGGING IT BADGE. For merit in drinking like a hobo, you dirty hipster.

THE YOGA FARTS BADGE. For merit in putting spice onto that downward dog.

THE CROP-DUSTING BADGE.  For merit in farting around people that annoy you like a boss.

THE SNOT ROCKET BADGE. For merit in refusing to keep a sleeve clean.  You never walk away without shrapnel.

THE SCREWED YOURSELF BADGE. For merit in royally f'ing yourself over.  Way to go.

How many do you deserve?  Probably all of them, right?  I knew it.  Lucky for you can buy them from HERE.

So which badge do YOU think is missing?  Personally, I deserve a nice "crapping with the door open" badge.