As a modern man (or, according to our research one of 7 women), you’re a member of an elite group in an elite time. At no other point in human history has gluttony been so fashionable and awesome. Bacon has become a meme, restaurants that induce heart attacks are novelty items and burgers with four or more patties are available all over the place. And now, across the pond, an Englishman with a penchant for hating his restaurant customers, has invented this beast of an 8,000 calories breakfast.
What comes in an 8,000 calorie meal (a typical adult male should eat about 2,000 calories in an entire day)?
-8 pieces of bacon
-4 hash browns
-4 pieces of toast
-4 pieces of fried bread
-One 4-egg cheese omelet
-A large serving of fries
-A large milkshake
As you can see, the meal gets more preposterous and desperate as it goes on. Bacon? Of course. Sausage? Yes sir. Hash browns? Delicious. But then 4 pieces of fried bread? Why the hell is it fried? What do you mean fried? They just buttered it and put it in a pan with nothing on it?
Once you hit the beans you can start assuming it’s an English thing, because they eat beans for breakfast, right? And a tomato? Why bother, isn’t that empty nutrients? Same with the mushrooms. Or are they fried? And then French fries and a milkshake are just a final up yours because no one needs those for breakfast, but why not, right?
If you’re wondering how an 8,000 calorie meal compares to other fast food delights, wonder no more! A McDonalds Big Breakfast with hotcakes (that includes eggs, sausage, hashbrowns and a biscuit) comes in at 1090 calories, so this is a solid 7 of those, not that you could keep eating past the cramps you’d get on number five.
A Big Mac ranks in at 530 calories, which is over a quarter of what you need in a day but 1/15 of this breakfast bonanza. Incidentally, if you can eat 15 Big Macs in what sitting, that is both awesome and terrifying.
A single chicken breast from KFC has 320 calories, meaning this breakfast is equal to a bucket of 25 of the things. 25! Not even a cartoon coyote could do that.
Sadly for America, this is strictly British and available at the Bear Grills café where ytou need to sign a waiver to even try to eat it and it’ll set you back $37. So far no one has finished the 7lb plate of heart stopping goodness. If you want the experience at home you’ll just have to make it yourself or order 4 granny’s Country Omelet’s from Perkins restaurant, each worth a solid 2,060 calories.