British Man Convicted Of Having Sex With A Mailbox

A man in England earned his official sex offender status following his criminal conviction for having sex with a mailbox. 

Does the sight of this turn you on? To be fair that red hot British mailbox is pretty cute.

Paul Bennett entered a guilty plea on several counts in which he tried to get it on with a mailbox in public. He was convicted on two counts of indecent exposure and using threatening and abusive words with abusive behaviors in connection with his little mailbox tryst. 

Maybe he thought it was a Female Box?

Police arrested Bennett back on Sept. 9, 2014 when several witnesses spotted him and his cheap date in the middle of a shopping center. The witnesses told police that he publicly exposed himself before spotting the mailbox. One of the prosecuting attorneys said that’s when he “started to make sexual advances towards it,” which may just be the most hilarious half-sentence we’ve heard so far this year. 

Witnesses said that he started rubbing himself against the mailbox while shouting “Wow!” several times because you can’t really shout “Say my name!” since mailboxes can’t talk. 

Following his little quickie, he reportedly pulled up his pants and started swinging from a lamppost like Grace Kelly in “Singing in the Rain.” The only way this story could be more hilarious is if he was singing “I Just Had Sex.”

His attorney said his client accepts the charges and stated that, “Clearly there are issues that need to be addressed.” The first issue that should be addressed is whether or not someone has Purelled the hell out of that mailbox since then. 

Source: HuffPo