Break Debates: Is Robot Sex Cheating?

Welcome to the first historical Break Debate. These debates will focus on the important subjects of our time: politics, love, war, foreign policy, sandwiches, etc. We will present two sides to an issue and have a thorough, educational, and thoughtful discussion. At the end, a judge, one with the utmost respect and knowledge, will read the discussion and make a final conclusion on the debate topic.

DEBATE: Is having sex with a robot prostitute cheating?

Mark – This is definitely an interesting topic and one that will become a bigger issue as robotic technology advances. And it’s going to happen. It’s already being predicted as happening in China by 2050. So there will be huge moral and ethical discussions as we get closer to these robo-brothels. And as I think about it, I believe that sex with a robot is cheating. If you have a partner or spouse, you should only be sleeping with them and if you sleep with a robot, it’s technically sleeping with someone else.

FredI think you need to look up the definition of the word “technically.” While you’re at it, look up the definition of the words “adultery” and “robot.” Because technically speaking, a robot is a machine, not a person. And technically speaking, adultery can only be committed with another person. Therefore, if you want to get technical, you can’t cheat with a machine. Hence sex with a robot cannot be considered cheating.

Mark – So you’d be fine having sex with a robot prostitute then telling your wife about it?

FredThere are a lot of things I do that I wouldn’t necessarily want to tell my wife about. Betting twice our net-worth on the NFC championship comes to mind. Or going to a strip club while I was supposed to be at my grandma’s funeral. Or secretly watching on my iPad while she thinks I’m watching Downton Abby. But none of those things is cheating. The same applies to Robowhores.

Mark – Are you fine with Robot-Vaginas because they aren’t human? Is it an issue with the soul? A human prostitute has a soul, so it’s morally wrong, but a robot prostitute has no soul, so it’s cool?

FredFirst of all, I’m not so sure human prostitutes have souls. Second, the soul doesn’t enter into it. I took a vow to be faithful to my wife. If I jerk off, is that cheating? No, because no one else is involved. If I stick my dick in a toaster, is that cheating? No, because no one else is involved. So if I stick my dick in a toaster that happens to be shaped like an attractive woman, how is it any different? It’s not. At the end of the day, it’s no different than rubbing one off into a sock.

Mark – Why would you stick your dick in a toaster?

FredBecause it’s not cheating.

Mark – I think there is a bigger issue with you here…

FredSuch as?

Mark – You wanting to f**k a toaster.

FredIt’s not that I want to f**k a toaster, it’s just that I need to f**k something.

Mark – But you mentioned toaster and there has to be a specific reason for that.

FredA toaster has two holes.

Mark – I don’t want to discuss holes. The amount of holes that are available on a prostitute is an entirely other debate that we can get into later. The reason I feel it is cheating is because of intention. You want to have sex, but you go elsewhere. Your wife might not want to have sex with you when you want it, but that doesn’t mean you go spend money on sex someplace else. That is wrong. She’s at home alone while you’re out getting banging Rosie the robot. How would you feel if she was out getting robo-boned? And you know that robot has a bigger penis than you, Fred. You know it does.

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Dat ass.

FredMy wife is already having sex with a robot that’s larger than me. it’s called a vibrator. Is that cheating? How is it any different? Just because there’s not a body attached?

Mark – Where are you when she’s using the vibrator? If you want sex so much and she wants sex so much, how come you two aren’t having the sex together?

Fred – Because she caught me f**king a toaster.

Mark – I can see you’re not taking this seriously. Enjoy having sex with your wife while she’s thinking about a robot being inside her instead of you. But hey, that’s not cheating. That’s just “love” for you, right?

Fred – I’m no longer having sex with my wife, which is why my right to have sex with a toaster is so important.

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Dead eyes are so hot on a robot.


Earnest – I have heard both sides of the argument, and after careful consideration, I can only say that this is going to require further deliberation. While I find that there is some merit to the idea that intent is 9/10’s of the law in this regard, I can not overlook the other 1/10 of the law that suggests that having sex with non-humans is a loophole into which one can easily slide oneself for a momentary indiscretion.

Honestly, all the human/non-human nuances confuse me. Fred suggests that having sex with his sock isn’t cheating, but what if it has a woman’s face drawn on it? No? Well, what if you add perfume and give the sock a believable back-story? There are simply too many facets that need to be explored.

Therefore, I will be working with the finest engineers South Korea has to offer to both develop and test a protoroboprostitute in order to determine what the actual ethical implications of robosex are for married men. Until then, I side with Fred because there is not yet enough evidence to warrant writing new law.