Screw Global Warming: The World Is Facing A Bourbon Shortage

While we were able to band together and save sriracha, there’s another magical elixir in danger of extinction.

As the downward trajectory of this site would indicate, the Break Editorial staff is drinking bourbon faster than the distilleries can make it. And apparently, we’re not alone. The Buffalo Trace distillery warns that the world could soon face a bourbon shortage that will force us all to switch to toilet wine. Or worse, Vodka.

The impending drought is due to the fact that bourbon tastes good as hell and, over the last decade, the world outside of Kentucky has started to notice. The increase in demand coupled with the lengthy distillation process is causing problems with production, as is the fact that we’re running out the wood used to make barrels.

But on the bright side, the lack of bourbon might mean dad will stop hitting you.

That’s it. Pack up that rocket from Deep Impact and point it at the first tree-covered planet we can find. This world is no longer habitable. Just be sure to bring some Coke and whatever limes we have left. (Source)