Screw Global Warming: The World Is Facing A Bourbon Shortage

wookiejohnson by wookiejohnson on May. 12, 2014

While we were able to band together and save sriracha, there's another magical elixir in danger of extinction.

As the downward trajectory of this site would indicate, the Break Editorial staff is drinking bourbon faster than the distilleries can make it. And apparently, we're not alone. The Buffalo Trace distillery warns that the world could soon face a bourbon shortage that will force us all to switch to toilet wine. Or worse, Vodka.

The impending drought is due to the fact that bourbon tastes good as hell and, over the last decade, the world outside of Kentucky has started to notice. The increase in demand coupled with the lengthy distillation process is causing problems with production, as is the fact that we’re running out the wood used to make barrels.

But on the bright side, the lack of bourbon might mean dad will stop hitting you.

That's it. Pack up that rocket from Deep Impact and point it at the first tree-covered planet we can find. This world is no longer habitable. Just be sure to bring some Coke and whatever limes we have left. (Source)

21 comments
Jean-Marie Bonnet
Jean-Marie Bonnet

Rule number one : take care of old bottles. number two : trusting is friends . number three . Supervise young people .

Chase Ayers
Chase Ayers

Not in my neck of the woods bro! All I drink is Jack Daniels and I'm only 1 hr from the hallow! What! ( drop mic walk off)

Jeremy Lovitt
Jeremy Lovitt

Yeah come to Ky there's plenty. The Bourbon Trail will set you right

Aaron Watson
Aaron Watson

Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuüüûûúúùüùúûúûùûüm doesn't affect me at all.

Lemonjuice43
Lemonjuice43 User

"But on the bright side, the lack of bourbon might mean dad will stop hitting you."

Wow. Just wow. Let us make jokes about kids being abused because of a bourbon shortage. 

Doofusroy
Doofusroy User

Need to lift the single use barrel law.

RiotSt4rt3r
RiotSt4rt3r User

@Lemonjuice43  We don't take kindly to bleeding hearts like you around these parts. I reckon you best go find one of them liberal media sites where ya'll can cry in a circle together. Go on now, get!

MichaelKolander
MichaelKolander User

@Lemonjuice43  Actually, the joke was about "your dad" specifically, and about him "not" hitting you any more. See? Feel better?

Lemonjuice43
Lemonjuice43 User

@RiotSt4rt3r Haha you are very ignorant and obviously do not understand the meaning of liberal. Good job. 

Lemonjuice43
Lemonjuice43 User

@MichaelKolander Did I not quote the sentence word for word? I'm pretty sure I did. They made a joke about kids being abused.  Do you feel better about yourself for not knowing how to read and taking things out of context?

ObamasPubes
ObamasPubes User

Get a sense of humor man... Or kid. Good lord.

MichaelKolander
MichaelKolander User

@Lemonjuice43 "Do you feel better about yourself for not knowing how to read and taking things out of context?" Out of context? It says "you," as in the reader. You were the reader. That is the context.