Staring at Boobs Could Help Save A Church

Ian-Fortey by Ian-Fortey on Aug. 13, 2014

Do you ever find yourself staring at boobs?  Do you do it on the sly?  Maybe with a little shame?  Or fear?  No longer!  You are doing the Lord’s work!

Deep in the world’s of Austria, a small local church was suffering a plague – a plague of hot, 24 year old boobs and masturbation.  On camera.  On the internet.  Nooo!!!  Please, gentle reader, hold back your bile.  It is true, the European internet contains pornographic images.  I’m sorry to break this to you.  But nevermind that, now.  Now is the time to tell you about how this poor church was victimized by a young lady who didn’t have the guts to show her face but brazenly showed off her sweet, sweet jugs and her assorted lady bits while making use of the local church pews and a rosary.  That’s not how you pray! 

Videos were seen by parishioners, presumably by accident, and they recognized the church. The priest was informed and then the police, who made parts of the video public to ask if anyone could help in identifying the scurrilous and bawdy culprit in the pulpit. 

Now with no face to identify her it seemed only a miracle could help solve this case but if a miracle can’t happen in Church, where can it happen?  Some heroic soldier of the Light recognized the woman by her boobs.

When police where informed they tracked the 24 year old woman down and she confessed, meaning our boob aficionado was 100% correct in his skillful identification.  Because of his keen eye and heroism, this Church has bene saved, its sanctity restored and its parishioners can rest easy knowing their house of worship is not a den on inequity nor a flophouse for floozies and the sorts of women Jesus actually cared about.  No more of them!

Remember this, men and women alike, the next time you yourself stare at some cleavage or you catch someone else doing it.  Is that ogler a pervert?  Or are they a hero?  Are they a deviant or just someone who wants to ensure they have the lay of the land and are fully equipped to assist not just law enforcement but God Almighty should the need arise?  And who are we to question that?  Who are we to say “hey, please don’t look at my hooters” when those glorious jubblies could be linked to the salvation of an entire community’s souls?

Praise Jugs! 

14 comments
Mgamerrrr
Mgamerrrr User

How do you accidentally view porn? A slip of the mouse? Did they open up the email saying "free sunglasses" and this came up? Or did one of the holy servants of their church in their off time peruse the local porn hub?

Obiwayne66
Obiwayne66 User

Its not a little boy so the priest isnt going to recognize who it is

SirTy321
SirTy321 User

i would highly recommend you find and watch the video FAP FAP FAP!!

purfusdotcom
purfusdotcom User

Well if the Christians are going to catch up with the Muslims they are going to have to breed a lot more.  They should encourage this chick to get it in and pop some out.

Danny-Ward-434
Danny-Ward-434 User

Btw it wasnt that she showed her tits it was the fact she was going back several times and filming porn. And the local youths saw the video and reported it to the Preacher, love the lack of fact reporting here Break.

Danny-Ward-434
Danny-Ward-434 User

Its about having respect rather or not you believe in God or Christianity. Something the people of Break seems foreign to like faith.

ILLest05
ILLest05 User

@purfusdotcom Catch up? You might want to recheck your facts.. There aren't even half the Muslims as there are Christians on the planet.. There are over 2 billion Christians accounted for, and just over a billion Muslims, and they are pretty sure the number of Muslims is exaggerated. The religion Christianity is Centuries older than the Muslim religion as well. 

it_will_be_alright
it_will_be_alright User

@Danny-Ward-434 Just wanted to point out that Break isn't about reporting facts. However, they'll probably look into it. Props for reinforcing the idea of being more open-minded to all perspectives though. Bless you kind sir.

zeuxis
zeuxis User

@Danny-Ward-434 Yes, just like aaaallll the respect that is shown for islam overhere... Seems like the Catholic church is really preoccupied with sex anyway. Celibacy for priests, a ban on premarital sex, a ban on contraceptives. That's about 90% od what they talk about. Seems like church is an appropriate place to whack off!

Fortey
Fortey moderator User

@Danny-Ward-434 ah yes, I should have been more respectful to the Catholic Church, that bastion of sexual restraint and decency.  Good call.

FishPhilzey
FishPhilzey User

@zeuxis @Danny-Ward-434 When you are not pratising premarital sex, are you really preoccupied with sex? Are contraceptives designed so one can enjoy so much sex that he needs them more than condoms, to save money?  Do the research on contraceptives and how they destroy womans uterus. f-a-g