Staring at Boobs Could Help Save A Church

Ian-Fortey by Ian-Fortey on Aug. 13, 2014

Do you ever find yourself staring at boobs?  Do you do it on the sly?  Maybe with a little shame?  Or fear?  No longer!  You are doing the Lord’s work!

Deep in the world’s of Austria, a small local church was suffering a plague – a plague of hot, 24 year old boobs and masturbation.  On camera.  On the internet.  Nooo!!!  Please, gentle reader, hold back your bile.  It is true, the European internet contains pornographic images.  I’m sorry to break this to you.  But nevermind that, now.  Now is the time to tell you about how this poor church was victimized by a young lady who didn’t have the guts to show her face but brazenly showed off her sweet, sweet jugs and her assorted lady bits while making use of the local church pews and a rosary.  That’s not how you pray! 

Videos were seen by parishioners, presumably by accident, and they recognized the church. The priest was informed and then the police, who made parts of the video public to ask if anyone could help in identifying the scurrilous and bawdy culprit in the pulpit. 

Now with no face to identify her it seemed only a miracle could help solve this case but if a miracle can’t happen in Church, where can it happen?  Some heroic soldier of the Light recognized the woman by her boobs.

When police where informed they tracked the 24 year old woman down and she confessed, meaning our boob aficionado was 100% correct in his skillful identification.  Because of his keen eye and heroism, this Church has bene saved, its sanctity restored and its parishioners can rest easy knowing their house of worship is not a den on inequity nor a flophouse for floozies and the sorts of women Jesus actually cared about.  No more of them!

Remember this, men and women alike, the next time you yourself stare at some cleavage or you catch someone else doing it.  Is that ogler a pervert?  Or are they a hero?  Are they a deviant or just someone who wants to ensure they have the lay of the land and are fully equipped to assist not just law enforcement but God Almighty should the need arise?  And who are we to question that?  Who are we to say “hey, please don’t look at my hooters” when those glorious jubblies could be linked to the salvation of an entire community’s souls?

Praise Jugs!