This Is What It Looks Like When A Boa Constrictor Tries To Eat A Porcupine

Not all animals or people are smart. In fact I have a theory that the dumb people of earth exist only to serve as examples to the smart people of what can go wrong if you drink PBR during a pregnancy. Or, more realistically, they’re here so that we can use them as guinea pigs when it comes to doing potentially dangerous and/or life threatening shit. Same with animals. Like, I’ve always wondered what would happen if a Boa Constrictor tried to eat a porcupine. Most Boa Constrictors are smart enough to not try, as the obvious answer is “You’re gonna impale yourself dude.”

Key word there being “most.”

One Boa Constrictor decided to kindly remove itself from the gene pool in the most painful way possible: eating Chipotle and laxatives at the same time. Kidding! It ate a porcupine. Eating Chipotle and laxatives won’t kill you; I know this because my roommate does it when she’s trying to lose five pounds in two days. She never actually drops the weight, but she keeps right on eating burrito bowls and Dulcolax as if they belong together like peanut butter and jelly. Personally, I prefer the old fashioned method of starving yourself while softly crying as you watch the Food Network.

But oh yeah, the snake – no one knows if it lived or not (probably not.) Add that to the list of unsolved mysteries to be forgotten about within a week.

Want more fucked up snake stuff? Here’s a woman dunking herself into a tank of NOPE, aka snakes.