There’s a Zombie Chicken in New Mexico, Prepare for the Worst

Ian-Fortey by Ian-Fortey on Aug. 15, 2014

Secretly, didn’t we all know this day would come?  In that way you know obviously it could never happen, and yet everyone keeps making movies and TV shows about it, so maybe there will be a zombie apocalypse one day?  That day was actually a year ago and it’s still happening, it’s just the apocalypse part that’s being slow.

Kat Gullahorn was in possession of a simple chicken, a chicken that her neighbor shot in the head before it got put in the freezer.  A dead chicken, you would assume.  The next day when her husband opened the freezer and the chicken was still alive.  Or at least able to move around.  It was blind, but it certainly wasn’t frozen stiff either.  14 months later and the chicken is still around, living in the yard of a friend.

Despite being blind now, the chicken eats and lays eggs still.  People eat the eggs.  Is it an undead chicken or just a chicken who is insanely well adjusted to cold weather?  Well, science says neither option is entirely likely, but being able to manage insanely cold temperatures is slightly more likely than defying science all together.  Most vets agree the chicken should be dead, but the fact it’s alive means, if it was in a freezer for a whole day, then it’s a pretty impressive chicken.  But it was also shot in the head and that means it’s an even more impressive chicken or absolutely a zombie.  Or the neighbor is just the worst chicken butcher on earth, which also seems like a definite possibility.

Never forget, however, that this is not the first time a dead chicken has defied the odds by living a fairly decent life after someone put it down.  The famous Mike the Headless Chicken was an American hero back in the 1940s after his entire damn head was cut off and he refused to die.

So the story goes, despite being decapitated by an ax, it missed the jugular vein.  That’s all well and good, but you’d still expect the chicken to be dead, right?  Its head was off.  Well, that angle that missed the jugular also left poor Mike with a single ear and his brain stem in place and apparently that may be all a chicken needs.

For a couple of years, Mike survived without a head and did the sideshow circuit.  He tried to crow and preen himself, neither of which worked of course, and even tried to peck for food which also proved useless.  Mike’s owner would feed him with eye droppers and keep his neck holes clean because that kind of gross thing needs to be maintained.  One day in 1947, however, at a motel, Mike started choking on his own phlegm and died.  His owners had forgotten their cleaning and feeding tools and had no way to save the creepy little bugger, who you can imagine had issues with breathing and swallowing at the best of times due to the fact he didn’t have a head.  How does a headless chicken breathe, anyway?  Just a snotty neck hole next to his food hole?  Don’t bugs get in there?  And dust?  It’s a weird scene at best.

Anyway, if nothing else, Mike proves a zombie chicken can exist and even capture the hearts of America.  So beware, if the apocalypse begins, it may in fact start with chickens.  Just think of it like the bird flu.

6 comments
monkeyboy-177
monkeyboy-177 User

New Mexico? wtf its not New and its not Mexico

leonnidas
leonnidas User

well if he got shot and then was put on the freezer the blood coagulated fast enough to stop the chicken from bleeding out, obviously the bullet missed important parts, so he basically killed the chicken but helped him recover. Lets not forget chikens do have feathers not to mention how tough they actually are. One of my chicken got mauled by a dog, we found chicken killed and that particular chicken missing, three days later it was among the flock with really gnarly woulds but alive and almost healed. He lived for years as well we called him mounstro( monster).  

BlankTitanic
BlankTitanic User

I love your glib rhetoric. Not one thought to the fact that these intelligent animals are being tortured. That's all good I guess? Can we torture your dog?

Motionocean
Motionocean User

wtf! I actually read this article..