21 Bizarre Hello Kitty Products That Shouldn't Exist

Yesterday, the world was rocked by the news that the beloved Japanese spokes-thing known as "Hello Kitty" is not actually a cat. According a statement released by Sanrio, the company behind the character, she is actually a little girl.

Hello Kitty is not a cat. She’s a cartoon character. She is a little girl. She is a friend. But she is not a cat. She’s never depicted on all fours. She walks and sits like a two-legged creature.

The revelation lead to an immediate ceasefire in eastern Ukraine, while ISIS fighters and Assad loyalists in Syria reportedly threw down their weapons and tearfully embraced after realizing everything they once believed is a lie.

Personally, I reacted with anger. I've spent years acquiring a collection of Hello Kitty memorabilia under the assumption that she was a cat (you know, because she looks like a f*cking cat and has the word "kitty" in her name). But it was all a lie. Now, I guess I'm just going to have to throw all this junk out. But here's one final inventory of all my bizarre Hello Kitty memorabilia. Good riddance. (H/T Smosh)

Hello Kitty Vibrator

Hello Kitty Panties

Hello Kitty Seppuku Doll

Hello Kitty Handgun

Hello Kitty Assault Riffle

Hello Kitty Beer

Hello Kitty Chainsaw

Hello Kitty Grill

Hello Kitty Sanitary Pad

Hello Kitty Urinal Mat

Hello Kitty Urinal Puck

Hello Kitty Grenade

Hello Kitty Dental Cap

Hello Kitty Shooting Target

Hello Kitty Pin Cushion

Hello Kitty Gravestone

Hello Kitty Sausage

Hello Kitty Cigarettes

Hello Kitty Toilet Paper

Hello Kitty Taser

Hello Kitty Condoms