21 Bizarre Hello Kitty Products That Shouldn’t Exist

Yesterday, the world was rocked by the news that the beloved Japanese spokes-thing known as “Hello Kitty” is not actually a cat. According a statement released by Sanrio, the company behind the character, she is actually a little girl.

Hello Kitty is not a cat. She’s a cartoon character. She is a little girl. She is a friend. But she is not a cat. She’s never depicted on all fours. She walks and sits like a two-legged creature.

The revelation lead to an immediate ceasefire in eastern Ukraine, while ISIS fighters and Assad loyalists in Syria reportedly threw down their weapons and tearfully embraced after realizing everything they once believed is a lie.

Personally, I reacted with anger. I’ve spent years acquiring a collection of Hello Kitty memorabilia under the assumption that she was a cat (you know, because she looks like a f*cking cat and has the word “kitty” in her name). But it was all a lie. Now, I guess I’m just going to have to throw all this junk out. But here’s one final inventory of all my bizarre Hello Kitty memorabilia. Good riddance. (H/T Smosh)

Hello Kitty Vibrator

Hello Kitty Panties

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Hello Kitty Seppuku Doll

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Hello Kitty Handgun

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Hello Kitty Assault Riffle

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Hello Kitty Beer

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Hello Kitty Chainsaw

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Hello Kitty Grill

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Hello Kitty Sanitary Pad

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Hello Kitty Urinal Mat

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Hello Kitty Urinal Puck

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Hello Kitty Grenade

[[contentId: 2752629| | style: width:75%]]

Hello Kitty Dental Cap

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Hello Kitty Shooting Target

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Hello Kitty Pin Cushion

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Hello Kitty Gravestone

[[contentId: 2752634| | style: width:75%]]

Hello Kitty Sausage

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Hello Kitty Cigarettes

[[contentId: 2752636| | style: width:75%]]

Hello Kitty Toilet Paper

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Hello Kitty Taser

[[contentId: 2752638| | style: width:75%]]

Hello Kitty Condoms

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