If you were terrified by Alfred Hitchcock’s classic thriller, The Birds you might want to stay out of the Chicopee, Massachusetts Walmart for a while. That is because last week the local Health Department removed upwards of 17 blood thirsty birds chowing down on packaged meat like a scene straight out of the movie.
Some Walmart customers couldn’t make it to their scooters in time.
Customer photos have been released showing the carnivorous, winged beasts having themselves bit of a barbeque, minus the barbequing part. If you always wondered how Walmart could keep prices so low, perhaps it’s because they allow their avian customers to try out the meat before the human ones do?
One person, Scott Conway who witnessed the birds chowing down on a meat buffet told locals news; “They were clustering around the hamburger and they were literally eating out of the packages.”
When costumers complained employees shrugged and said there were birds in the store all the time. This is what we call the “Manager’s Special.” –A Walmart spokesperson said that the company has hired “professionals” to hunt down what they think are a type of carnivorous sparrow. This could make for a really sweet The Birds reboot.
When it comes to Walmart, a few birds in the meat department are nothing. Here are some of our favorite weird Walmart stories to appear on Break!
Meth Lab Found In Walmart Bathroom
Indiana State Police discovered a meth lab in an India Walmart after an employee alerted them to a suspicious looking character in the store. They said they saw the man enter the men’s room with a backpack but he didn’t have it on him when he left. Police found the backpack and discovered a mobile meth lab including chemicals and the equipment needed to cook the meth such as some two-liter soft drink bottles. That’s gross. Who want to smoke meth made inside of a bathroom? Don’t drug dealers have any health and safety standards?
Florida Woman With Tourette’s Sues Walmart Over Her Ban From Store
A woman in Palm, Bay Florida suffering from Tourette’s syndrome just wanted to go to Walmart like everyone else. However Tina White’s local Walmart gave her a lifetime ban from the superstore chain because of her Tourette’s outbursts. As you may know Tourette’s is characterized by involuntary facial tics, muscle spasms and sometimes “coprolalia,” or outbursts of cussing. As White was shopping with her two children the manager and a security officer ordered her to leave the store and never return. They wanted her to GTFO. To add insult to injury they even called the local police who issued her a no trespassing order- at Walmart. Her lawyer Mark Tieg believes that Walmart is in violation of the Americans With Disabilities Act and is suing the store on behalf of White for $2.2 million dollars. The money should smooth things over and hopefully she won’t have to shop at Walmart.
Florida Teen Arrested For Sex With Toy Horse In Walmart
If you ever tried to imagine what happens in the aisles of a Walmart in Florida, this story is probably confirming your darkest fears. Brooksville, Florida area teenager Sean Johnson was arrested after employees at Walmart witnessed him removing a toy horse from the shelf, taking it to one of the store’s beds for sale in the housewares department where he used it to masturbate. That’s crazy! He took it to a bed? He really wasn’t horsing around! Johnson is currently out on $1500 bond. In what I imagine to have sounded like his best Sling Blade voice, he said to police when they arrested him; “I did unmentionables to a stuffed animal.” Mhmmm.
Walmart Refuses To Make Confederate Flag Cake But Bakes ISIS Flag Cake
Chuck Netzhammer from Slidell, Louisiana was a tad bit upset when his friendly neighborhood Walmart refused to bake a cake with a Confederate flag and the words “Heritage Not Hate.” He went in the next day and requested a cake decorated with the ISIS flag — and they did it! Walmart spokesman Randy Hargrove responded saying “The cake in the video should not have been made and we apologize.” He also said that the associate making the cake didn’t recognize the ISIS flag and didn’t know what it meant. Otherwise, it wouldn’t have been made.
Shooting Victim Dropped Off At A Walmart Instead Of A Hospital
If you get shot, the second best place to get dropped off besides a hospital is your local neighborhood Walmart — well, at least that’s what one person in Miramar, Florida thinks. The story is just plain weird, full of plot holes, and is basically an instructional of what not to do with a person who has suffered a gunshot wound. Long story short, one of the two unidentified people was shot in a residential neighborhood and a his friend dropped him off at Walmart in a maroon Suzuki Forenza instead of dropping him off at a hospital like a normal person would.
Follow Phil Haney on Twitter @PhilHaney
Birds in The Meat Source: MassLive