Best Gut Busting Burgers of The Year!

While looking through my Instagram account I noticed something: I’ve gained a lot of weight this year, becoming what I believe some commenters might lovingly refer to as a “fat fuck.”  The reason for this is clear by all of 2013’s glorious burgers I have artfully snapped a photo of whilst eating. And by artfully I mean I pulled out my phone in the middle of a restaurant and took a photo of my plate like a complete douche. While neither you, nor your god should forgive me for this, I am thankful I did, because I can relive each of these burger behemoths in a rundown of my favorite gut busting burgers of the year! I did a lot of in-depth research on this subject; you may have a different opinion, which is OK. Please tell us your favorite local, best burgers of the year so that others can try them! Be sure to include links to photos when possible!




For people who can’t make up their minds; do I want Asian food or burgers, burgers or Asian food, – now you can have both! The much talked about “Ramen Burger” has finally made its way to my mouth when I tried the offering of a Kobe beef patty sandwiched between pan fried ramen noodle “buns” at Trader Vic’s in LA. I made the rookie mistake of picking up the burger which fell apart quicker than Phil Robertson’s reality TV career or..  a bun patty made of noodles.  It’s definitely a knife and fork burger (Only in frickin’ LA, the people who brought you $20 bottles of water!)  but the taste combination is to die for. No really with all that sodium in the ramen, and red meat -you might die. But die happy!


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DAYUM this burger is sexy! You might think nothing more can be said about the Five Guys burger that hasn’t already been said by Daym Drops who went to YouTube song remix fame last year with his review of this incredible cheese induced heart attack of a burger (and even got his own TV show this year).  However:  I have never thought about making love to a cheeseburger before I ate at Five Guys, but I guess there is a first time for everything. After eating at my local Five Guys this year I now know what this guy was singing about:


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I dreamed a dream to one day create the ultimate restaurant: Phil’s Famous which would feature local signature dishes from around the country; the best  Philly Cheese Steak from Philadelphia, the best Buffalo Wings from Buffalo, the Pizza from New York City, etc…  Pink’s Hot Dog’s would be the testament to the great American Hot Dog (I fully expect to see your comments defending your local favorite hot dog establishment, telling me to shove my hot dog up my ass. Have at it. ) Pink’s has been a Los Angeles institution since the 1930’s, with rarely a time that there is not a line down the street since. That’s why it’s weird that at Pink’s I found an incredible monstrosity of a burger this year: The JAWS. The JAWS burger features two hot dogs, chili, bacon, all topped with cheese. I had to eat it quickly before someone tried to adopt me and make me eat vegetables.


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Ever since I’ve lived in Los Angeles I’ve heard of this place as it’s been on multiple television shows. So I had to try it since I’m a big star fucker…. when it comes to cheese burgers. People like Guy Fieri go there when they aren’t busy beating their hair dresser and it seems like a legit, old school burger joint. I was super excited to try Marty’s Combo, which they are home of as it also featured hot dogs piled on a cheese burger with chili. This was more of a cheaper “stand” burger as opposed to a pricey gourmet burger… both of which I like.  Pink’s JAWS was a bigger, beefier version of this, but both had their merits in that I got to eat them.

FANCY ASS $20 French Burger

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This was a decent gourmet burger served with a side of truffle fries. You know you are going to be paying extra when the menu says truffle fries. I honestly don’t remember a lot about this burger other than it cost $20 and had some type of smelly cheese and onions on it. However a burger is a burger, and like a good handy you can’t really get a bad one, especially for $20…  wait, no that’s not right either.

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