Nothing beats some good barbecue brisket and maybe that’s what big Mike Owings was thinking when he grabbed that cut of meat of the grilled and hurled it across the way at some rival BBQers at the Danville, Kentucky BBQ Festival. Ownings was working a grill but competitors were being forced to share grill space. After an argument over the other team hogging the grill, Owings did what any pitmaster worth the title would do, he picked up the still smoking meat and hucked it like a grenade.
The meat, suspected to be around 200 degrees (no word on the weight) actually hit a woman working at the other grill, right in the back, so it was a sucker brisket. The meat caused burns to her neck and back which we treated by EMS workers.
Owings was charged with second degree wanton endangerment, which is a real crime apparently, and sounds much less hilarious than “throwing a smoldering brisket into a crowd.”
According to reports, police were not able to retrieve the weapon. With no further information, we’re forced to conclude that it was either put at the bottom of a quickly filling trash bag, which realistically the cops could have searched through if they wanted or, and let’s hope this is true, someone just ate the brisket anyway. Because even if it’s covered in a bit of seared man-flesh, it’s probably still delicious.
Sadly the use of delicious but innocent meat as a weapon isn’t a new thing. A man named Todd Jarvis was charged with assault and harassment for throwing his roast beef sandwich at a woman in New York during an argument. You might wonder how hard someone could possibly throw a sandwich, but police noted that the sandwich had left a mark on the woman’s arm. He must have put some mustard on it.
Marvin Tramaine Hill was arrested in Iowa when he got into an argument with his wife and tossed a McChicken sandwich at her. Hill called the police on his wife for assaulting him, but whatever she used on him didn’t trump a McChicken and cops ended up taking him away instead.
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You might think Europeans would be a little more graceful than to be assaulting each other with meat, but of course that’s dead wrong. In Limerick, Ireland, a 51 year old man was banned for life from a grocery store and given a 2 year suspended sentence for tossing a cooked chicken at the grocery store security guard. Why throw a chicken at a security guard? There seems to be no reason provided, and the guard said he was talking to the chicken thrower’s daughter and her partner at the checkout when Papa Poultry ran up and tossed the bird for whatever reason.
Finally, we’ll go to the root of all zany crime (except or Florida) – Australia. A man was helping his son move out of an apartment after he’d been evicted when an argument broke out over the fridge. Seems the fridge belonged to one person and the meat inside belonged to another. How do Australians solve such a conundrum? In this case, the woman claiming to own the meat bashed the man helping his son in the head with a frozen pork chop. She must have had a hell of a swing too, or it was an especially big chop since the man needed stitches. She got the meat, though.