Bam! Blustering Bully Body Slammed In Brief Brusque Brawl

There is not a day that goes by that doesn’t make me thank God smart phones didn’t exist when I went to high school. All these vicious fight and prank videos…I mean, I never got into a fight in high school, and I was reasonably popular, but thank God there’s no viral video of me in tenth grade called “Roger T bleached his hair because he thought it would look cool but it came out orange” racking up millions of YouTube views.

Well, Breakers, another day, another “bully gets rocked” video is making the rounds. While the origin is unknown, we can surmise some of the backstory from the pre-fight dialogue: “You’re always saying shit on Snapchat…say something to my face.”

Hey, if the guy said it on Snapchat, he intended it to quickly disappear forever, and not last forever like this viral fight vid:

Since smart phones have only been around since 2007, it makes you wonder how many undocumented schoolyard brawls began with “You’re always saying shit on LiveJournal…say something to my face.” Oh, wait a minute, LiveJournal was for emo kids and Death Cab fans. The grand total of fistfights it generated was zero.

If your appetite for brawls is now whet, here are a few more:

This video is titled “Bully Hit’s [sic] Random Kid Trying To Start A Fight Thinking It’s Funn [sic],” making me wonder if the bully-puncher in question also titled it and no one wanted to call him out on his spelling because, well, you know.

This is the second most brutal scene involving a food cart since Sleepers:

Bruh, the 90’s done come and gone; if you wanted to mosh in mud you shoulda caught the second or third Woodstock. Maybe outdoor concerts should start hosting beer gardens specifically designed for this kind of thing. (It should go without saying they’ll be sponsored by Steel Reserve.)

“I’m from New York and I’m out here. I’m by myself. I’m from New York. I’ll fuck you up. I’m from New York. I got a membership to the Whitney Museum. I’m from New York. I’ve got an apartment with a view of the park, I’ll smack the shit out of you. Yeah, I’m from New York. I can’t drive. We can get it cracking, motherfucker. I’m from New York. I’ve been known to eat lunch on the stairs the Met. I’m from New York, we can squabble at Grey’s Papaya. I’m from New York” *gets knocked out*

Glorious bouncer brawl, which usually only occurs when everyone involved is drunk, but this is Ireland, so it’s hard to tell.

Furious anger, spurious lawsuit threats:

And of course, no round-up of videos like this would be complete without the classic “Australian kid picks up and body slams drowned rat” video that brought the world together in 2011, which I remembered as crystal clear 4K video but was actually shot on Legos. Look how far fight vids have come in just five years. Imagine the resolution five years from now. Yes, the videos we shoot on the front lines of Word War III are going to make Saving Private Ryan look like “David After Dentist.”